I start on my hair,
and then on my arms,
and then on legs.
And it soothes me
after a long day.
I grew up thinking that
coconut oil was the miracle cure
for everything.
And in many ways it is,
for me.
But it cannot fix everything.
It cannot saturate my brain so that
I might get some peace.
It won't do much to fix the bruises
on the insides of
my thighs
or the insides of
my forearms.
It won't do much to fix
the wide open chasm
between you and
I.
I know people don't change overnight,
but I feel like
you have had various chances to say something to me,
anything really.
I know I don't expect too much,
I expect what I deserve.
I came from love and so I shall
reap it and nurture that.
But nonetheless,
this nighttime routine is a form of
self care that affords me
a little dignity
in what feels like a world
I cannot change.
