Little rain drops of
water fall down
into fissures of this rock
I call
myself.
My chest is like an
enormous tectonic plate that is
moving with anger.
Shallow breaths from shallow dreams that
they might change.
They mock me for not believing in their god when they are the ones that drove me away and not
god.
They tell me that I am not a parent yet I've been one ever since I could
remember.
They tell me that they "love me for who I am",
yet never say
"accept".
If you love me,
love all of me,
I implore you.
Because my being is not like
A pepperoni pizza that you can just say you want
But you tear the pepperoni off so it is to your
liking.
Or like a rose that you admire yet rip off the petals and claim that
it's your "beliefs".
I have so many questions...
How can you be "pro-life",
yet don't want to help the helpless?
Does Jesus not teach that we are supposed to help those who need it most?
Maybe I've been away from catechism too long.
How can you ignore the suffering of
YOUR people?
How did I come from such bigotry and suffering, but also
Love?
How can I feel so old, but so
small and utterly
alone.
And so I promise myself:
That I will never hold my care over my child's head,
never.
That I will never force my child to serve an imaginary man in the sky,
never.
That whether my child is straight or queer or NB or whatever they are I will not invalidate their very self,
never.
That I will never tell them they're going to hell,
never.
That I will never force my child to raise my own children,
never.
That I will never laugh at their belief/disbelief in a god,
never.
That I will never ridicule them as a failure,
never.
I promise to love unconditionally and abundantly and without falter,
always.
Amen.
