I can't rest nor
close my eyes nor
stop the heat radiating on my face
because words
swim through
my mind
like fish in a river.
And there's just too many,
I'm trying to reach underneath
the rushing water
and grab maybe even just one.
But these words slip through
my fingers
and they're gone.
I want to ask you
what I said exactly
because my drunken revelry
is already slipping away.
But I know the gist of it.
I'm mortified because
I must have
every
single
detail
in my life
within my control.
But I can't control
the way that I want
you.
I yearn to abandon my scruples,
say what I really want,
feel how I really feel,
and remember every word
out loud
But I can't.
This was supposed to be
an apology.
But I believe
in only saying sorry
if you truly mean it.
And the thing is,
I'm not sorry.
So I ask that you just listen
and let me throw these words in the air like chips,
let them fall where they may.
I don't care that you may not care,
I don't care that I now lay here
with my chest wide open
ready for you to batter my heart.
I don't care that I'm being irresponsible.
I don't care that maybe
you're not a good person.
I don't care that you said no (at least I'm pretty sure you did in some capacity) because this wanting is like
the brown sugar candy
I could only get in Japan.
I want to sit here
and eat
the whole
fucking bag
slowly
until I'm absolutely
sick of the taste.
You say that you like her,
but do you love her?
Because love is the
one
true
thing
I care about.
So unless you love her
I don't give
a fuck.
