Trust, Love, and Lost Relations

Big Girls Don't Cry

Clarissa's P.O.V.
I was sitting in my room again staring at the wall. I haven't left this room since BotB, except for meals. Luckily for me, I have a bathroom attached to my room, so I didn't have to leave for much.

My back was starting to hurt, so I changed positions to lie on my back and stare at the ceiling instead. I let my mind go blank for a few minutes. I'd go to sleep instead, but I've tried and I just seem to be wide awake. So, I'll have to escape from reality by clearing my mind and not thinking instead.

I haven't really moved from this place on my bed all week. I was just too emotionally exhausted to do much of anything. All I've done is stare at the wall, ceiling, or floor, and watched the odd movie. If you could even call it watching, I haven't been able to focus on any of them; too much on my mind.

Speaking of which, maybe I'll try another movie. I decided to pick one of my favorites, "How to Train Your Dragon," in hopes that I'll be able to focus on that better.

It worked for a little while, I suppose. About halfway through though, just before Hiccup went to save Toothless from Stoic, I started thinking again.

I thought he was gone. The last time I saw him, he was leaving to God knows where, and I thought he was gone for good. Then he just comes marching back into my life an acts like everything is ok! Everything is not ok! Just before I get over you, you just walk back into my life like you belong there. Well, you don't. You need to leave and not come back.

Ha! Yeah, good luck with that," I thought to myself sarcastically. I could feel my anger building. My anger at myself, anger at Collin, and anger at the world. I needed to let out my anger. I sat up and picked up my pillow. Just before I could let out all my anger by screaming into it, the goddamn phone started to ring.

I stomped over to the phone and picked it up. "Hello?" I said, trying not to sound too mad, but as soon as the reply came, I threw that thought out the window.

"Hi, is Felicity home?" He answered. What the fuck does this jackass want?

"I just want to talk to her," he said, sounding genuine. Too bad I know that he doesn't mean it. He has this act down. "Please," he pleaded with me. I knew he would keep calling until he talked to her, so I gave up.

"Fine!" I growled into he receiver. "Maybe she'll put you in your place this time," I muttered. "Hold on a second." I was so done with this kid's shit. I walked to the top of the stairs and yelled "Felicity!"

"Yes?" She yelled back.
"It's for you," I said, not bothering to hide my anger. I still had the phone in my hand, so I heard her answer it.

I am so done with this. I can't just keep moping for the rest of my life. I need a way to get out my emotions, but how? I asked myself. Then it hit me. Music! I walked to my closet and grabbed my guitar and laptop.

I had a YouTube account, but I hadn't used it in awhile, so I decided I might as well post this on it. I quickly opened the browser on my laptop and opened two tabs. I opened YouTube in one, and Google in the other.

I logged into YouTube and looked up the chords to the song. I printed them out, and put them on my desk. I moved the laptop over to the desk as well and turned on the webcam. I strummed the first chords and started singing.

The smell of your skin lingers on me, now
You're probably on your flight back to your hometown
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
Be with myself in center, clarity, peace, serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've gotta get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, Don't cry, Don't cry