Fight the Feelings

World Wide Inspiration

Happiness and gratitude is running through my body as I sit here in my hospital room reading the kind words from people all over the world wishing me the best recovery. Just as I expected this is really helping and by reading these words I feel like I could already run a marathon or do a dance concert or something, I just have this weird explosion of energy and positively that has invaded my mind and body.

It's officially been 10 days since Marshall and I broke up and even though I'm trying to forget about him by reading these letters and looking at fan art his spirit still seems to be hovering around me, even if he hasn't called or visited this room since that night.
It doesn't surprise me though, it's these tougher times when you really figure out who your friends and family are and looking at this decision it seems I didn't mean as much to him as I thought. I guess I can't blame him seeing how I was the one who pushed him away, but I honestly thought he would have fought harder for us since he spent so long trying to prove his love.

Anyway I really have to stop thinking about this, I can't afford to go into another slump or depressed mood I need to get out of here and I need to get back on track for both my family and fans.

" morning Karen, how are you this morning?" I asked sincerely, as she walked into my room for her daily check up. Straight away her jaw drops when she sees all the letters scattered on my bed and presents I have opened, my room was a mess and you can barely see the bed because hundreds of letters lay there.

" hey I'm good thanks, what are you up to?" She asked curiously, walking over and studying what these envelops are, I tried to be best and tidy but it's pretty hard when you have opened and read so many letters.

" I'm replying to my fan mail, I still can't believe so many people take their time to draw me things and write me these things" I answered, a smile spread on my face while folding another letter I have written and placing it in the envelop ready to send of to Boston for this 13 yr old. Even to this day I still get chills when readying these kinds words and letters from kids everywhere.

Karen came over and started studying the letters and reading the envelopes.
" wow!! You aren't replying to all of these are you?" She asked, turning her attention to me looking very confused and puzzled. I know there and thousands and thousands of letters not to mention the presents they have gotten me but I'm pretty sure I can get through them, it's not like I have anything else to do.

" sure am" I smiled, looking up again to see her shocked face just staring at me not knowing what to say.
Instead of making things awkward I just look back down and continue what I'm doing.

It doesn't take long before she's checking me over like always, seeing how I'm walking she's been helping me get the strength back in my legs and body. These days I seem to be getting more confident and strength with my walking, I don't need help getting out of bed and I seem to be walking like normal just a lot slower.

" so I spoke to the people upstairs and they're wondering if you would pop in this morning, it's just because the parents are there and the kids seem to be feeling alright...... I know it's short notice but you don't have to if you don't feel up to it" Karen said while writing something down on the clipboard. I know she was talking about the kids up in the cancer ward seeing how we had already talked about it.

" yeah that's fine, I'll love to go see them" I smiled, happiness coming over me knowing I can go spend some time with the kids, least this will get my mind of Marshall.

" are you sure you don't need to talk it over with your management?" She asked, making sure I'm fine with seeing the kids by myself.

" yeah they would just turn it into some publicity stunt, which I don't want" I replied, while beginning to pack things up. I'm actually really excited to meet these kids and I can't wait to spend time with them without having the hassle of Christine and her stupid publicity team.
Karen left me to get ready before she came and picked me up to wheel me down to the ward. I had all these different emotions running through me, I was excited and happy but I also was nervous and sad knowing how much these kids are going through.