Fight the Feelings

Intervention

Pain! That's all I'm feeling at the moment, pain in my legs and my body, Pain in my hands, pain in my cuts but the worst pain seems to be coming from my heart as I try to comprehend that Marshall and I have decided to end things.

I feel like I'm a teenager losing her first love all over again and all I want to do is go and run in the fresh air and let the wind blow my hair, but when reality starts to kick I realize I'm still stuck in the hospital.
This makes things between us even worse because every day I'm running myself down and driving myself crazy thinking about all the things Marshall is getting up to. I know I have no right since we aren't together, but it still doesn't help the pain and jealousy I'm feeling knowing Marshall's at home finally getting back to old habits and fucking young chicks just like he likes it.

It's been a few days since Marshall and I broke up and things just aren't the same, I hate waking up and knowing there's not going to be a morning message from Marshall or I'm not going to see his happy face sitting beside my bed talking about his day and this is all because I've pushed him away.

If we are talking about things medical, nothing seems to be improving. The day after Marshall and I broke up, I was able to move my legs and since than I can now move them while lying down, It's just the only problem is I still can't walk and the doctor has been trying numerous times to help me but it seems my legs don't want me to get out of this wheel chair.

I'm trying to stay positive about things, but it's hard when everything is going wrong these days and so much negative stuff has happened I've beginning to cloud my life with doubt and turn Into a real sour person, which I never thought i would be.

I've been noticing less and less people start to visit seeing how I've turned into a real depressed woman who thinks I'm going to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair,
Or maybe it's the fact that I keep pushing everyone I love away knowing there's no point them sitting in this boring hospital.

It's not till around lunch time that I get some more action, more nurses coming in to check up on me and of course my doctor who comes in to take me to my therapy class which is set to help my walking and movement in my legs. It's hard and tough but I know if I don't do it I'm never going to be out of this dam place and back home with my boys where I should be.

" well hello there" I heard from the door making me glance up from my bed to see Fifty confidently walking towards me. I've been in contact with him a little but I had no idea he was coming in today or was even in Detroit.

" hey, what are you doing here ?" I asked, smiling softly as I readjust my position. I have no idea he was meant to be coming to Michigan for a little while longer, but here he seems to be.

" yeah well I'm just hanging with the guys and besides I wanted to come see you" he explained while taking a seat beside me, just where Marshall used to sit.
Straight away by the look on His face I can see he's here for another reason.

" you know don't you?" I just asked, getting straight to the point and knowing he's here on behalf of someone else and here to hopefully try and fix things, but I know there's nothing that can be magically fixed by Fifty's charm and words.

" I just don't get it, you guys were so into each other" he said, telling me all about the shock that went through him when Marshall rang and told him we broke up.
It hard having a close friend that's also best friends with you Ex, you know you can't really sit down and vent about things because you don't want to put them in the middle of things and somehow getting back to the Ex.
So as much as I would love to sit here I just don't feel right knowing he's probably working with Marshall any day now.

" things change and circumstances change. This wasn't meant to happen, I might never walk again and Marshall didn't sign up for that. It's just easier this way" I explained, I know it sounds selfish and wrong to think this way but deep down I know it's for the best and I know this way it saves me from getting hurt.