Fight the Feelings

The plan

                   Someday,

                 Everything will make perfect sense,

                 so for now, laugh at the confusion,

                 smile through the tears,

                 be strong and keep reminding yourself,

                 that everything happens for a reason.

Ashley P.O.V

"So how are you liking Michigan" Fifty asked while walking out of the recording booth towards me. We have been spending these last couple of days hanging out and catching up on things from the past couple of months.

"I’m getting use to it, besides my kids love it here that’s the main reason we moved, they both have friends here and its the happiest I've seen them in a while" I said while writing down some lyrics on a sheet that had just come to mind when listening to fifty's verse. We were sitting in my new private studio in Michigan that I built when decideding to move here. I dont have a lot of friends here, but my ex husband has been living here for a while and my boys would come down reguley to hang out, which allowed them to meet new people.

"Yeah, I know they are, but are you Happy? not just about moving here but about life in general" he asked with a concern face., while he watch me writng lyrics down, he knew straight away i was trying to doge the question.

" No,but I'm going to get there. I am going to get back to my old self i just need time away from that lifestyle, i need to focus on getting my personal life back on track, have a good  mother relationship with my kids where I actaully know things about them " i said with a small frown trying to hold back a tear. In the past I did neglect my kids for  a while not even realising the amount of work i was doing was never leaving room for my kids.

I still couldn’t believe that it had come to this. Yeah i was on top in my career but as a mother, a friend and as an individual i was lost. My self esteem was down and I couldn't be in big crowds because I was so paranoid about everything moving around me. I knew this move was going to help me move on and start loving myself again, because I know nothing can bring me peace but myself.

“ so have you planned on putting any more dates on your, I am tour” he asked looking over at me, I just kept writing because I didn't want to answer his question. As much as I loved touring and seeing my fans, my confidence is not allowing me to do my best up on stage, I get paranoid and freak out about everything, my weight, my dancing and my singing, I know that's not right for me to get people to pay for tickets if I am not enjoying it and not putting in 100% effort every night. Me, Myself  and I As much as anbody else in this entire uninverse, deserve my love and affection and until i was loving my inner self again I was cancelling the rest of my tour, to focus on myself and family.

“ nah I am just going to finish with these last dates and than have some time of. I need some time of” I said glancing at fifty, he just sat there smiling. Fifty was one of my best friends, even though I was a RnB singer I was very close with a lot of Hip Hop artist. We met at an awards shows and ever since than we have become really close, of course the media thought we were dating at the beginning but we weren’t, we just got along really well because he understood me and I feel he never wanted anything from me.

“than what?” he asked while writing down some lyrics that came to his head. I had to think about it for a while because I knew I wanted to do a lot of things while having some spare time, but I knew my manager wouldn't let me have the most relaxing time.

“ hopefully I can come back here to Michigan, get the house finished, work on my new album and make sure I am home every afternoon for when my kids come home from school” I said smiling, I was actually really excited to doing all those things and I know my boys Cant wait either.

I have two boys Kane and Isaac both from my first marriage.

Kane was my oldest he had just turned 14, I was dreading this age because I was only 18 when I had him. I know I was pretty young but I am so happy that I decided to have him. It was hard but I had heaps of help from friends and family.

I had Isaac 2 years later when I was 20, some people say I was still young but me and my ex husband Tim were in love and we have enjoyed raising these two kids.

We got divorced a couple of years ago but we are still friendly. My work and his work just got in the way between our relationship. It was like for years we were on the rocks, it was like we couldn't live together but we couldn't be without each other. Another reason was for a year or so Tim decided he wanted to recall he younger days and that meant sleeping with every blonde bimbo out there, that made me lose trust not just in him but in Men in general.

While fifty was working on some material in the booth, I couldn't help but think about how I came to this point. I was always the confident, bright powerful woman that girls looked up to and now I have no idea who I am, and women wouldn't want to look up to this, but ever since that incident a few months ago I am a emotional wreck.

Flashback

( Singer sensation Ashley Ann sustained trauma to her face and her body including split lip, bruising, bloody nose and major contusions to both sides of the face after getting into a violent argument with her boyfriend Eric Heel.

Officers from los Angeles police department responded to a 911 call around 12.30 am on Sunday Morning, just hours after her album became number 1 in America, UK and Australia.

Reports claim it was an onlooker who called the police after witnessing a loud violent confrontation, shortly after the pair left a party.

Eric Heel was not at the scene of the alleged argument but voluntarily surrounded to the police later that evening. He was charged with making threats and domestic Violense but was released on $50,000 bail, He may face further charges. We can tell you that Ashley is booked in to stay overnight at the local hospital, so the nurses can keep an eye on her. We will have more information soon)