Who's Beneath The Dance Stage (Tarra Garra Series #1)

KAPITULO 23

Ang bilis kong naniwala. Hindi ko alam kung ikamamatay ko ba iyon sa huli. All my life, I never felt this way. Whenever I look at him now, it's like I would be a slave for every word he would say. I'll believe everything that will come out of his mouth.

Is it because of what he's making me feel these days?

It's like he woke something inside me. Halimaw sa banga. Halimaw na naghihintay lang na mabuksan ang banga. And now, it's finally gained its freedom. There's only so much time left before it spreads.

I can't help but think about our recent sprees and daring escapades. Hindi ko kailanman naiisip na aabot kami sa ganito! Lalo na sa akin! I'm one heck of a conventional and conservative!

Napapadalas ang paghahalikan namin kapag napapag-isa. Madalas sa sasakyan niya. There are times that we check into hotels just to do it! Nothing sexual, of course. Yet. But it has become usual that he'd fetch me from our house early so that we could have time to do it before my class and before his.

My mother will freak out if she knows, I know. Lalong-lalo na si Papa kung nabubuhay pa.

But it's not like he's always the one who initiates. May mga pagkakataon na ako rin ang nagpapasimula! Although whenever he's the one who establishes our make-out sessions, I'm always indulgent and permissive! And I'm deliberate. We're both in it. And honestly, I'm guilty and I'm not even feeling any remorse or thinking we should stop it anytime sooner.

Ang pinakaunang bagay na ginawa ko pagkauwi ko galing Milagros ay ang kausapin si Hanna. Sakanya naman galing ang akusasyon na 'yon, na agad ko ring namang pinaniwalaan. I just wanted to know if she's aware that it was a lie. And if she does, what's her motive on lying to me?

"I'm so sorry, Kat. I didn't know. I was also lied to." she was on tears. Kulang nalang lumuhod siya sa damuhan. "Ngayon ko lang din nalaman na hindi pala totoo 'yon."

Nandito kami ngayon sa likuran ng Mapeh Department, kung saan wala masyadong taong napapadaan.

Napabuntong-hininga ako at nagkibit balikat.

"Saan galing? Sinong nagsabi sa'yo n'on? Hindi mo manlang ba sinigurado kung totoo bago mo sinabi sa akin?"

I was trying to be hostile and unsympathetic, even though I've known her since elementary. At least she's showing remorse and guilt. That's trying to convince me that she did not do it on purpose. And that she's been lied to and was also told a fabricated story.

"Si Cyril." she remained bowing her head. She couldn't look me in the eye. "I'm really sorry, Katalina. I'm sorry I never questioned its credibility. Napangunahan ako ng pag-aalala para sa'yo. Naisip kong kailangan ko agad ipaalam sa'yo. I thought he was only using you!"

I sighed. Pagod kong nilapag ang dala kong bag sa lumang bench sa ilalim at napagigitnaan ng puno ng Acacia at Salaysay. Umupo rin ako roon at pagod siyang pinagmasdan na hanggang ngayon ay nakatayo at nakayuko pa rin.

Umiwas ako ng tingin.

Napapagod na ako, kasisimula palang ng araw. Naisip ko rin na wala rin namang patutunguhan ang usapan namin ngayon. Kasalanan ko rin naman. Naniwala agad ako at hindi ko rin sinabi agad kay Ikarus ang tungkol doon. Siguro dahil na rin sa nalaman ko ilang buwan na ang nakalipas na ikakasal sila ni Cyril Posadas, and I never confronted him about it. Kaya noong sinabi ni Hanna ang lahat nang iyon, I thought it all made sense. That he's really fooling me.

Ngayon lang din 'yon nasagot, na hindi rin pala totoo ang tungkol sa kasal.

"I like you, Kat. Romantically. At aaminin ko, I was jealous of your relationship with him."