Fight For Them - AVENGERS POV

-11-

"How much longer do we have to be here?" Bucky sighed, picking a bit of fluff off his jeans and throwing it into the air in front of the two of you.

The morning had been long. You woke still tired having had next to no sleep after your dream; you had sat up for a while just watching Steve sleep and thinking how wonderful he had been to you.

You were showered, dressed and briefed by Tony all before 7am. Yes, you were up and ready to go that early.

Bucky drove the two of you to the apartment where you set up camp by the window of the bedroom overlooking the building.

You had grabbed coffee on your way there and some snacks incase neither of you wanted to go out.

You looked at your watch, "23 hours and 43 minutes." You sighed and leaned back in the chair, swinging on the two back legs, your leg resting on the window ledge keeping you steady.

"Remember that kid who died swinging on his chair?" Bucky smirked, watching you swing.

You smiled back and both let out a small laugh. You put the front legs back on the ground, turning to face him, "you heard that too? I thought it was just my school."

"God knows when that kid died because I heard it as a kid." His lips curved into his usual Bucky grin. And because of that grin alone, you smiled back. "It always confused me because, mom would say 'the kid down the road died the other week from swinging on his chair. Cracked his head right open!' And the only kid that I knew who lived down the street, died of chicken pox."

"What was it like growing up back then?" You turned your chair around so you could lean forwards on the backrest but still look at Bucky.

His eyes sparkled again. "Why do you want to know?"

"It's interesting! We seem to forget how bad some illnesses are. Now we have chicken pox parties where parents bring their children to an infected child's house so they can catch it."

Bucky sighed and looked back out the window, "it's strange how the times have changed. I'm still shocked by it. Every day."

Those three small sentences made you realise that Bucky wasn't handling it. He wasn't OK being in this time. He wasn't welcoming it all with open arms. He just made it look like he was.

"I had a dream...." You blurted out, your voice cracking with every syllable.

Bucky looked over and frowned, trying to read your face like he always did. Like he knew how; he always knew what you were feeling without you even telling him. Apparently your face didn't lie no matter how many words fall from your mouth....

"Forget it." You shook your head and took in a deep breath to calm yourself, to hold back the tears, "I don't want to talk about it actually. Let's forget it."

"What did you dream of?" Buckys voice was as calm as ever. That calm, soft, caring voice is why you could never lie to him either. The way he just knew how you felt without you saying a word.

"You." You paused but continued to look forward out of the window, pretending he wasn't there and you were just talking. Maybe to Wanda. Maybe Nat. Maybe nobody. But you knew you couldn't turn to look at him.

"Me." You paused again. "That place."

You took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. You looked down to the street where people had started to wonder around, getting to work or school, or even just to meet a friend for coffee. No one down there is trying to pick between two super soldiers right now. God I hate them.

"When we were there, I'm... I'm not sure if...." You stopped again and shook your head. "You know what, forget it. It doesn't matter."

Bucky grabbed hold of your chair and pulled you in close, taking your shoulders and turning your body to look him in the eyes.

"Tell me, please. I want to go back to how we were. Please." He begged you. The break in his voice as if he was holding his own tears back.

But if you told him it wouldn't go back to how it was. It would complicate things even more.

You looked into his bright blue eyes and pictures the Bucky that was staring down at you that day; so full of hope and promise. Happiness and relief. Until Guards came round the corner and took you back to the room, pinning Bucky to the floor as he watched you scream and cry, getting dragged back to the torture you had to endure all over again.

"I don't..." you swallowed the lump in your throat and took a few breaths, trying to calm down. "I don't know if it was a dream or a memory. But..." you looked away for a split second; you got this far... you couldn't stop now.

"You saved me, again, and this time we were close. So close. You told me you had seen Steve again and I was so happy for you. And then I kissed you." You looked down before you said the last sentence, not wanting to see his reaction.

Buckys hand lifted your chin up to look at him. A smile sitting on his lips like it had always been there. "I remember the same thing."

Your eyes brightened, knowing you hadn't just imagined it up in your head. That it was an actual memory. You still couldn't trust your own mind completely, but it was slowly getting better.

Each thought and memory you had, you would jot down and research when you and a spare hour or two, seeing if anything came up for it.

You dreamed of a girl sitting next to you in maths. A peak down at her closed notebook and you saw her name. Kimberley Wells.

When you woke you quickly jotted everything down you could remember of her; her eye colour, hair style, body type, the school you were at... and then you researched.

You found her and she was now married with two kids. She looked exactly the same. And it made your heart break a little more; this girl was your friend once and she had no recollection of you at all. Plus, the whole married and kids thing really threw you off; that's how old you were now!

But right here with Bucky remember the same thing, made you feel a little less alone.

Your gaze drifted down to his lips, remembering how they felt against yours. How he tasted. The feel of his hands on your waist as he pulled you closer, deepening the kiss. You wanted to feel that again.

You snapped back to reality to see you both leaning in to each other, your lips inches away. You shook your head and pushed yourself away from him, "no. No no no no." You stood up and walked away from him.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I was just thinking of -" Bucky started as he got up to follow you.

"I know!" You screamed back at him, "I know what you were thinking because I was thinking the exact same!"

You ran your fingers through your hair, bringing them over your face and softly screaming in them. "I can't do this!"

"Do what!?" Bucky shouted back, his voice audibly annoyed with the situation.

"This!" You motioned between the two of you, "I'm with Steve. I can't kiss you. I can't be near you! I can't love you"

You stood shocked. Bucky stared right back at you, neither of you saying a word but both of you stewing over those last four words: I can't love you.

You were both thinking the same thing; you loved him. Of course you loved him, how could you not love him!? He was with you through it all, even if you didn't know it at one point. He was the one who helped you, cared for you, promised to keep you safe. And he did all those things and more.

And that dream. That feeling when you woke, the fire in the pit of your stomach you couldn't shake. That grew with every thought of Bucky.

But then, Steve jumped into view. You couldn't do it.

"I can't do it to both of you." You spoke in barely a whisper but Bucky heard.

His face dropped along with his whole body, slumping down and inwards into himself. Like you just broke his heart.

"I'm sorry Bucky. But I can't. You need each other more than you need me."

A tear raced down your cheek, you hadn't even realised you started crying. You turned on your heel and walked out the room to phone Tony, asking for someone to replace you on watch.