Please Don't Go (The Story of Us Book 3)

Chapter 26- Self-Reflection

Hotch's P.O.V.

I had a pretty horrible childhood, I knew that. It wasn't exactly a secret. Despite this fact, I never went to therapy. I knew somewhere deep down that my trauma would be easier to deal with if I had but if I admitted it, it would be real. Amanda had the right idea, even if she hated therapy, at least she was getting help. However, I can't help but admit that she was right, therapy sucked.

These are the thoughts floating in my head as I sit facing Dr. Tara Lewis after Amanda's leave. My thoughts are sidetracked as I wonder what Director Sharp could need to speak with her about that's so important he called her away from the therapy session he had mandated. "I can't tell if you're processing what your sister said before she left or trying to run out the time on this session," the light-skinned woman says and my eyes snap up to her.

"Sorry, I was just hoping that my sister isn't in trouble," I slightly lie and she frowns.

"You know, as I said, therapy isn't my typical job description but you two don't seem to hate each other."

"We don't. I never hated my sister. I resented her and thought that I hated her but really I was just projecting my resentment of my father onto her. When we were younger, my father made everything our fault, even if it couldn't possibly have been. Amanda got the brunt of it."

"Why was that?"

"Because my father was a misogynistic asshole. He was pissed that he had two sons and yet the only one of his kids that was a genius was his one daughter. In his mind, Amanda's sole purpose was to marry rich to someone that had something that my father wanted. If she hadn't gone off to college in California when she was 12, I'm sure that he would've tried to sell her to some forty-year-old man the moment she turned 15."

"You seem to hate your father. I got the same impression from your sister. I would imagine that that hatred would create a bond. Why didn't it?"

"As I said before, I was always envious of Amanda, even now. Before it was because I saw what she had and I wanted it. It felt like she got everything I ever wanted my whole life meanwhile I was never smart enough or never took the right risk at the right time."

"And now?"

"I see the strength that she has. Her whole life, with all the good, came things twice as bad but she never let it stop her. I deal with serial killers on almost a daily basis. I see people that have gone through things nowhere near as bad as she has that kill people because it's the only way they can forget the trauma they've faced. Yet it just seems to make Amanda stronger. Every time something bad happens to her, it just seems to steel her resolve that she wants to be a better person."

"What about you? You see serial killers every day and you had a similar childhood, how does that affect you?"

"Well, I'm not a serial killer if that's what you're asking."

She chuckles and shakes her head. "No, I meant that you say that all the bad things that happen to her make her stronger. Do you feel the same way about yourself? Do you use what you see as a reason to be better, to not fall into the same fallacies as the men and women that you hunt?"

Aaron thinks about this before shaking his head. "All the people we deal with help me know that what I'm doing, what we do, is the right thing, that we're helping people. But I'm not as resilient as Amanda."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Did Director Sharp tell you why we're in therapy? Like the true reason behind everything." She frowns before shaking her head.

"He said that you two were fighting and it was impairing your work. He also said that Amanda hated therapy after having been in it for several years so she would be difficult. I don't know what caused the fight, however."