Please Don't Go (The Story of Us Book 3)

Chapter 37-Of

There are lots of ways that people have described betrayal. Some say that it is a loss of trust that should not be blamed on oneself while others liken it to a broken heart. Spencer has to agree with the latter. Betrayal, much like heartbreak, is felt through one's entire body. It's like a constant ache that you wish to push away but you simply can't. Stephen King once wrote, "Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don't."

Once again, Spencer was inclined to agree. He was no stranger to heartbreak, nor was he a stranger to heartbreak caused because of his words, choices, and actions. What made it worse, what killed him inside more than the thought that Amanda would never forgive him, was that it was JJ who betrayed him. Hotch he could've understood, even Derek, who was like a brother to him, but JJ? JJ had never made him doubt her, she had managed to sound so sympathetic as she told him he had to implode his own relationship when it was all to stop him from discovering her secret.

That's what made it so horrible. He had pushed away the one person he always thought he could trust at the behest of another and now he had lost them both. One because of her actions and the other because he trusted the first. He could never forget the overwhelming emotion he felt when JJ's lie was revealed. It was filed away in his mind among the other worst things he had ever done and if he ever took the time to inspect them, he would see they all had one thing in common: Amanda Hotchner.

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It was about four months after Amanda had left. Rachel had just turned 8 months old and it was without both her aunt and father. Harrison tried his best but the Senate Committee kept pulling funding until they couldn't afford all the members on the current team. Seaver decided to transfer to the sex trafficking unit and Hotch was sent on a mission overseas. Spencer spent most of his time doing what Maeve had told him to cure his headaches and it was starting to work.

But Morgan never stopped. He had made a promise to Emily before she died that he would catch Doyle and he intended to do just that. And then he did. He realized that Doyle would be looking for Declan and that if he found him first, he would catch Doyle. It worked too. Everything was going as planned, he was waiting with JJ, who had returned to the unit at the same time Seaver left, right as the budget cuts began.

All they needed was for Doyle to make a single movement to prove he was there but then JJ got the call from Spencer. Declan had gone home from school sick and the lights were out in the house. By the time they discovered that Doyle was making his escape by means of the roof, she had gotten a second call. Two feds and his nanny were dead and Declan was missing. That was the only thing that stopped Morgan from pulling the trigger on Doyle. Declan's life was more important than his revenge.

They originally thought that Doyle had done it but when Morgan interviewed him, it became obvious that he knew nothing about it. However, he was holding out on them, refusing to give names to people that may want to harm his son. Eventually, Garcia found a suspect after matching his face with the picture of him before he cut the power to the camera. When Morgan brought his name up to Doyle, however, he said the man wasn't his problem anymore that it was Emily's. That was why Hotch and JJ made their decision, they just didn't realize how big the consequences were going to be.

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The team was called into the conference room and they all welcomed Aaron back after his time away. It really was good to see him until he said it. He told them the truth and JJ tried to pretend that she didn't feel Spencer's glare on the side of her head. She didn't even look at him until Emily walked through the door. She took one glance around the team before frowning, realizing that she didn't see the familiar blonde head that she was aching to talk to. "Where's Amanda?" She asks and Spencer immediately stands from his chair and shoulders his way past JJ to head back to the bullpen.