Please Don't Go (The Story of Us Book 3)

Chapter 35- Mourning Period

30 days. That's the acceptable mourning period for people of the deceased that are not family. Oddly enough, it is also the period of time people who suspect someone may not be dead spend watching those close to the deceased. Amanda knew this from her time as a spy, which is why she allowed Spencer to believe Emily was dead for those thirty days. It was only a month after all. How much could possibly change in a month?

.......

Watching someone you love mourn someone is hard. It's even harder when you know that the person they are mourning isn't really dead. Everything in Amanda's body screamed at her to tell Spencer. To save him from his pain but she couldn't. Not at the expense of their friend's life. After all, if she told him and it got back to Doyle, it wouldn't be a farce. So she kept quiet and bided her time. She sat on the side and watched him pull away from her.

She stayed silent every time he walked out on her efforts to comfort him so he could seek comfort in JJ, who Amanda wasn't even sure how she managed to be in America. She said nothing as she spent countless nights doing her best to convince herself that Spencer loved her and would never cheat on her. She ignored that inconvenient little voice in her head that continuously reminded her that Spencer used to have a crush on JJ. She pretended she didn't have dreams about the jet ride back after her first case when Spencer had walked right past her to ask JJ on a date.

Amanda stewed in her misery as a way to repent for the lie she was forced to live at Spencer's expense. That was why, as soon as the month was up, she was done. They had just gotten back from a case and Spencer was doing what he always did. He was trying desperately to hold it together for Amanda. He hated breaking down in front of her just because he didn't get to say goodbye when Amanda had held her as she was dying, only to find out that she didn't get there in time to save her.

JJ had helped a lot. Even though she wasn't on the team anymore, she was a willing shoulder for him to cry on and he was eager to accept. He didn't know that Amanda felt like she wasn't good enough for him to seek comfort, he couldn't bring himself to notice her misery because he was far too engulfed in his own. He didn't even realize she was upset about him until she snapped at him when he tried to leave. "Spencer!" He turned to her slowly discovering that she had been talking to him.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked if we could talk."

"About what?" He asks, suddenly wary. It would be just his luck that only a month after losing one of his best friends, a member of his family, his girlfriend would grow tired of him. But no, he wouldn't go down without a fight. He refused to lose Emily and Amanda.

"It's about Emily. Take a seat." Spencer does so, now even more defensive. It would make sense that if Emily knew she was going to be in danger she would get her affairs in order with Amanda's help but he didn't know if he could bring himself to think about the deceased agent. It was hard enough to accept her death, accepting something she might have left him would make the whole thing truly real.

"What about her?" That one question leads to the twist of a lifetime. If only the two knew what this conversation would lead to. Maybe Amanda would've kept quiet if she knew it was the beginning of their end, or maybe it would play out the exact same way. All they knew is that the next words out of Amanda's mouth led to their destruction.

"She isn't dead." The slightly older man looks at her in shock before her words make sense. He thought back to how everyone else had mourned. Derek had mourned angrily and loudly, he and Penelope sad and loudly, Hotch as stoic as ever, and Rossi alone but Amanda hadn't seemingly mourned at all. To an outsider, they would think she just shared a similar non-expression with her brother but Spencer knew her better. She wasn't mourning because she was in denial.