Please Don't Go (The Story of Us Book 3)

Chapter 38- The

"There are two kinds of guilt: the kind that drowns you until you're useless, and the kind that fires your soul to purpose."- Sabaa Tahir. Spencer found himself thinking about this quote a lot because he was without a doubt experiencing the first kind of guilt. After walking into the courtroom and saving the team from the Senate Committee, Amanda had returned to work but there was something off about her.

She wasn't the warm bubbly blonde that had left them all a few months prior and none of them could figure out why. Initially, Spencer thought it was just because of him but Amanda was cold to everyone, not just him. JJ had tried to apologize to Spencer but he wasn't having it. That was how Amanda had figured out that their breakup wasn't exactly Spencer's idea.

The team had been working a case in Oklahoma and Reid had been dropping subtle petty hints until JJ finally cracked. The two were in the conference room of the station when JJ spoke. "Spence. Look, we gotta talk about this."

"What do you want to talk about?" He counters, playing dumb, but JJ obviously doesn't buy it.

"I get it, ok? You're disappointed with the way we handled Emily."

"Listen, I have a lot going on, all right?" Spencer once again tries to avoid the conversation but JJ refuses to let him.

"You know what I think it is?"

"What?" Reid challenges.

"You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro-expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to detect our deception." This finally catches not only Spencer's attention but his disbelief.

"You think this is about my profiling skills?" He demands with such anger that JJ actually flinches back but Spencer doesn't seem to notice. "Listen, Jennifer, this has nothing to do with profiling or the fact that you and Hotch kept Emily being alive a secret. This has to do with the fact that after a month of coming to your house crying I asked you point-blank if what Amanda had told me was true and you convinced me that she was just in denial."

"Spence," JJ tries, realizing that this is a lot worse than she feared and that he hadn't gotten all of his anger out when Emily came back.

"No," he growls taking an angry step towards her that makes her take a frightened step back. "You don't get to try and change this now, Jennifer. I went to you for help and you told me that the only way to help her was to break up with her and break her delusion!" Spencer had been so furious with JJ he hadn't even noticed the rest of the team arrive back. He also failed to notice one of them approach him until they speak.

"What?" Amanda asks in a mixture of anger, hurt, and betrayal, which happens to be the most emotion she's shown in about a month. Seeing the utter devastation on her face is sobering to Spencer who tries to take a step towards her but she takes one back, holding her right hand up in front of her. "You broke up with me because JJ told you to?"

"Amy--"

"Don't," she sneers and this time it's Spencer's turn to flinch. "It was bad enough that you left me when I needed you but you did it because some other girl told you to? What the betrayal of trusting her word over mine wasn't enough for you, you just had to really drive it home?" With every scolding accusation, Spencer stumbles back a step, the fear of losing her forever becoming a much more realistic possibility than he had ever allowed himself to consider.

"Amanda, please," he begs brokenly and can swear that he sees her eyes soften but he must've been imagining it because in the next breath her eyes are laced with pure rage.

"Don't you realize the more you plead the more pathetic you prove yourself to be?" With that parting jab, Amanda turns on her heels, storming out of the station. Spencer takes a step to follow her but JJ's voice stops him.