Abditory [H.S]

20

WE HIT 700+ READS SOMEONE CRY WITH ME.

I love yall bye i didnt even expect to hit a 100 by the time i finished the damn book.

OH AND BTW: TW- mental breakdown, and mentions of body images.

Just thought I'd let yall know😀....ENJOY!

Luella Jones

In case you need to know, today has been a horrible day.

I woke up to another nightmare, leading to another panic attack, to another mental breakdown about my body this morning.

I don't know how that happened, but the second I saw my body in the mirror after I completely took off my clothes during my panic attack, I cried staring at it.

The way my scars on my arms were so apparent, I hated it.

Or my stretch marks on my stomach....I just never found them so pretty.

Or when I looked down on my whole body, taking in every inch of it as I see how hideous I looked....I didn't like it.

It scared me, and I just hated the way I'll never truly love myself.

Then, I tried bringing myself off the bathroom floor to get ready for school after being on the ground for so long, just crying and hugging my knees to my chest.

It was really hard. Took me about twenty minutes to calm my nerves down.

After that, I had an anxiety attack when I overheard my parents fighting downstairs, the usual threatening to divorce coming in hand.

And of course, I had to stop my dad from hitting my mom again.

His techniques keep upgrading, this time it was with a glass bowl from our kitchen.

I got late for class because of that, missed half the new math lesson to also bump into Mr. Curls on the doorway, him clearly late as well.

I didn't drop any liquid on him this time.

He got mad, the usual yelling at me saying how I'm always coincidently bumping into him, making me look like I'm 'desperate for attention'.

He seemed pretty mad before I even bumped into him, meaning he just let out his anger on me like last time.

I didn't say anything, I was busy trying not to cry because the yelling triggered me.

I swear you'd think I was a robot made to see how much a person can handle mental illnesses' attacks today.

There's only so much I could take in an hour. God help me.

I've been sitting in spanish class for over two hours, which is absurd because it's supposed to only be 40 minutes long.

The clock has been moving way more slower today, and I can't take this anymore.

I have a break later, I already had lunch and spoke to Fiona.

Speaking of that, she literally squeaked as soon as I told her Harry has a puppy.

Her smile was quickly wiped off when I told her about our morning situation earlier, making her stand up and pull her sweater sleeves up, wanting to go smash his face into his potato salad.

She literally made a small scene, me shoving her back in her seat so she won't go do that, after I had to convince her I was okay.

I already have enough on my plate, I don't want her to get into trouble for me.