Abditory [H.S]

85

This chapter is inspired by the song matilda 🙈

Trigger warning: depressive episode, mentions of suicide (not graphic, but talked about)

Luella Jones

The bedroom door opens, hearing Harry's slow footsteps stride towards the bed. I keep my eyes trained on the bedside table on his side, until he covers it with his own body when he lays down beside me.

We did end up ordering McDonalds, but I somehow lost my appetite as soon as I saw my meal. I only ate some fries and then called it off, saying how tired I was and ran to bed.

I've been laying down with zero will to sleep, my mind frantic with thoughts, too loud to even shut my eyes for two hours now.

I breathe in and out, controlling my nerves when Harry moves closer towards me, swinging his arm around my waist to pull my eyes to his own.

I can feel he has a lot to say, I can almost hear him asking if I'm okay, but I'm tired. Tired of all the lies, tired of all the hurt, tired of feeling like this. I was smiling and laughing this morning, but of course; that couldn't have lasted for more than a few hours. After all, this universe is against me.

I stare at him quietly, preparing myself to answer any of his questions. But nothing comes, he simply continues to stroke my hair gently, looking deeply into my eyes.

The silence kind of worries me.

He finally breaks it by taking in a deep breath, opening his mouth to ask me.

"Why are you quiet, beautiful?"

I blink at him, feeling tears well up against my eyes. Today was so hard for me to handle. Today was rough. Today wasn't supposed to be like this.

"I'm just..." My voice wavers, swallowing the lump in my throat before speaking again. "I'm just tired."

Harry looks at me as if that was an unusual line coming out of my mouth. It was true, I was indeed tired, not physically, but mentally. I was bleeding on the inside and didn't know how to stop it this time.

He looked at me like he knew I was bleeding.

Unexpectedly, he leans in and kisses my forehead, my eyes closing to cherish the feeling as his lips longingly stay there for a second before his forehead rests onto mine.

"Hang in there for me, will you?"

Hearing him say that makes me snap my eyes open, looking into his eyes for the first time to see the usual comfort of green. His eyes had always secretly exposed his feelings and I've somehow memorized the colors they're in at a typical emotion.

I nod silently and move my head to his chest, draping my arms around his waist as his hand comes in contact with my hair, softly caressing it as he always does during our bedtime hugs. His chin rests on top of my head like a perfect puzzle while our legs tangle under the bed sheets, the smell of his usual coconut scent filling my nostrills, making my head spin.

I shut my eyes, thankful for his presence. I don't remember the last time I went to sleep without crying. Ever since Harry arrived into my life, I've forgotten what it feels like to fall asleep alone, my teddy bear hugged to my chest while the small sobs that leave my mouth fill the air. Nowadays, it's the complete opposite; it's always me hearing Harry's heartbeats, feeling his arms around me, waking up beside him in the morning. I'm never alone, and it makes me wonder how I managed to live this long without this feeling.

This feeling of comfort.

This feeling of home.

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I abruptly open my eyes, sucking in a deep breath as I am awake due to the unusual feeling laying on top of my chest. A strange sensation takes over my mind, leaving me both worried and pained.