Abditory [H.S]

57

*THIS WAS A DOUBLE UPDATE. PLEASE READ CHAPTER 56 BEFORE THIS. (or not, don't force urself to do things that dont feel right to u)*

TRIGGER WARNING: Panic attack, some type of self-harm, and talks about rape.

Also (sorry ik i keep interrupting but hear me out) ONE MORE THING: I am in NO WAY romanticizing assault in any type in this chapter. Dealing with this sort of issue can be dealt differently between individuals and this is how Luella acts. By Harry being there for her doesn't mean a person cannot have someone to depend on and vent to in these situations. Please, if u feel I've made a mistake in some way reading, call me out and I'll be more than happy to fix it.

Luella Jones

It's all coming back. I can feel the pain travel throughout my body, the heartache I felt that night thundering again in my chest. I open my eyes to find my body trapped, panicking even more as I can feel Harry's hand draped over my waist. My breathing gets louder, my senses hightened as I look around the dark room.

No no no, shit.

I shut my eyes tightly and try to calm my heartbeat down, but Harry's warmth radiating off my body makes it hard for me to concentrate. Tyler was just as close to me like this. I can't focus with Harry behind me like that.

I get up abruptly, standing up as I clutch my hair, getting it off my face. My chest hurts, my heartbeats increasing with every second passing. I can feel his hands holding my wrists, his breath down my neck, his body pressed to mine. It's like I'm reliving the experience all over again.

My body goes into full panic mode as I turn around to see Harry moving a bit in his sleep, making me walk into the bathroom and turn the lights on.

I wash my face with cold water three times, shutting my eyes as I try to get rid of that nauseous feeling in my guts.

I remember not sleeping at all that night, sitting beside my toilet as I threw up every five minutes thinking about the events that occured. I couldn't sleep for days, every time I'd shut my eyes, it'd just happen all over again.

I confronted Tyler when we got back at school. I told him all about what he did to me and he didn't believe me. He said I was crazy and it was probably just some nightmare that happened to me and it felt too real. That he'd never do something like that to me.

Tyler didn't remember anything from that night, I did though. I remember every single detail.

I remember his touch, his breathing pattern, the way he stared at me, the music playing in the background, the time I spent in that bathroom cleaning myself. I remember it all; fully real.

I cry as I can feel his hands roaming my body, letting my own hands grip the sides of my arms and pinch my shoulders. I don't want to feel it anymore. I just want to get rid of it already.

Tears stream down my face as I feel suffocated in the hoodie I'm wearing, resulting in me taking it off as I stay in the shirt I'm wearing underneath, swallowing my nerves as I find it harder to breathe.

I catch a glimpse of my face in the mirror, making me stare at it for a while. My cheeks are red and wet with tears, my eyes are puffy from crying, my lips are trembling and my nose is so red. My body shakes, hands gripping my arms tightly as my nails dig into them to let go of that awful feeling, my knees bucking as they can't stand any longer.

I feel so ugly.

I turn around and open the door, running off into the room as I see Harry has gotten up, eyes furrowed with confusion.