Abditory [H.S]

75

Harry Styles

It's like the world decided to be on my side today.

An uncomfortable feeling it is; to have things go your way for once. At this rate, I'm just jinxing something bad to happen.

I've been on the edge of my seat for days, eyes wide and ears opened for any suspicious things. Anxiety has been coursing through my veins and my headaches had gotten worse. I've been throwing up more every night, waking up sweating from a nightmare I can't remember the contents of. It's been an awful week. Nothing has made me hate living in this world so much until now.

Life is unfair, it fucks you up until you no longer have anything, leaves you broken and fragmented with no way to go back home. It tests you every day, for the simplest of things, too. It has a weird obsession with nature and a strong desire to kill. You can never be too sure of what happens, and you can never like living in it's shit hole.

Unless....you have a girl like mine.

There is something about her that the entire dictionary doesn't mention it. She makes me feel things I never thought I would feel, makes me do things I never expected myself to do, makes me have things I never wanted to want. She's like everything I never knew I needed so badly in this unfair world.

She showed me something I haven't seen nor felt in a very long time. Her methods of being so understanding, so polite, so nice and so beautifully broken. It was like seeing myself but in a different version.

She's the type of girl who'd risk helping you out in an exam, the type who'd wait for you while you tie your shoes, the type who'd laugh at your joke when no one else did, the type who'd ask you to continue talking after you stopped when you realized no one was listening, but she was there, urging you to finish. She's the type of girl that could handle the world, but if you looked close enough; she couldn't handle herself.

She's definitely cried herself to sleep, then woke up pretending nothing happened. She probably has her own jokes in between herself and her head that no one would find as hilarious as she does. She, most certainly, had tried to kill herself and got so frustrated when she realized she couldn't. She doesn't think she'd done enough, even after tiring herself to the point her brain couldn't think any longer.

She doesn't see herself the way others see her, and that's the sad truth about Luella.

She's helped me more than she'd ever know, and my heart breaks for her every time she's slightly harsh on herself.

I notice the way she never looks in a mirror passing by, or how she suddenly dozes off in her own mind in the middle of eating, or how she has to finish that one thing she's doing till the very end. She plays with her earrings when she's nervous, she bites down on her lip when she's anxious, and she clings to anything that's close to her when she's scared. I've noticed that.

The only thing I wanna do in this entire world is make up for the days she's ever felt entirely sad in.

I don't think I've ever seen Luella's dimples dig so deep in her cheeks like last night's.

I can still hear her laughing in the back of my head, her soft giggles echoeing like a beautiful outro in a song at the end. The brown in her eyes had never shined brighter. She looked so happy yesterday.

And I'm so glad I was the reason for that occurance.

I shift slightly, pressing her body to my chest, hiding her away from the cold atmosphere. Her gentle snores fill the air around us, the smell of the shampoo lingering at the tip of my nose.

I've been awake for more than an hour, but I'm not sure I wanna get off bed just yet.

I don't think she's slept for more than four hours for a very long time, and I'm counting this as one of her best sleeps.