Abditory [H.S]

40.

^^^^THIS WAS A DOUBLE UPDATE, MAKE SURE TO READ CHAPTER 39 BEFORE THIS.^^^^

The moment yall have been waiting for!

Luella Jones

When you're young, people's advice for you is to never make any decisions when you're delighted, down, or mad. Some say to make them in a clear state of mind, feeling pleased. What they don't warn you about; not make any decisions drunk.

It's worse than any impact the other emotions have on your life. Your mind is in a complete maze of thoughts, scrambeled words in your head that you can't distinguish right from wrong. It's a true challenge to make a choice when your head is going through a different million emotions all at once. What's even worse than that is feeling empty- having no sense of some sort of a feeling you can go to, your body not cooperating with you at times your brain can't connect with anything. Your soul in an entire new world of not giving a fuck about anyone. Making a decision during both of these sensations is dreadful. You'd fuck up anything that was going well in your life, messing up a goal you were going to achieve, or even getting bad karma. It's too risky.

What happens next in your journy of life determines every little thing, every place you go to, you go there because of that one choice you accidently made.

That's the cycle of life-- your decisions impacting on your actions all the time.

My mum used to always tell me the complete opposite of what anyone else would. "Follow your mind" she'd say, "your heart is most vulnerable when you're content, don't fall for what other people tell you." She'd talk about how everyone expects me to be unguarded, shocking them with the opposite is by doing what my mind tells me to do. "Your mind thinks about the right things all the time, it does what it is trained to do in reality, meanwhile your heart is meant to think about feelings, choosing what makes you most open to others. The key is to show how closed off you are, being secretive is the only choice."  For her; sharing your feelings is a way to hurt yourself. Keeping your heart is the finest way to protect it, not giving away anything about your true emotions. I learnt that the hard way, I'm an open person. I tend to overshare once someone gives me the slightest permission, I'm most secretive when I want to, other than that I am fully open to the world.

Doing what my mind tells me to do was the hardest thing I had to get used to. My kindess was used, I would always choose my heart over anything. So, I went through my adolescence choosing everything my mind tells me, thinking it's always the right thing to do.

Until this very moment.

With his lips grazing my neck, my eyes fluttered shut with hot breaths leaving my mouth, my body arched against his own; all I could think about was how my heart was saying yes to every little action, my mind screaming no.

I knew what I was doing the moment my lips met his, the unfamiliar touch buzzing a million thoughts through my head. His hands roaming over my entire body while I was utterly lost in a battle with myself.

I was too focused on everything happening, I didn't pay much attention to when he led me to the small couch, straddling his waist as he continues to suck and kiss on my neck. His fingertips touching every part of my back, hovering slightly over my ass before finally grasping it, pushing me over his thighs.

My hands go to hold onto his hair, making him raise his head back to kiss me again. It's rough and fast, every unspoken word we couldn't scream at each other during our fight travelling through it.

I could literally feel the poisin set in.

My heartbeats increase with every minute passing, our chests flushed against each other with his hand on my waist now, urging me to move my hips.