THE UNWANTED (COMPLETED)

18-The Audition

   Four days passed quickly. I brought my thing to me. My favorite. It was a gift from Lola during my 5th birthday. I take care of it, like I take care of myself. It's very important to me.

Again, our last subject ended with a long quiz. Catherine's getting better and better. I sometimes saw her crying alone. I just let her huwag lang siyang mag-isip na magpatiwakal. She's starting to laugh with us. She and Lily are closed now. I'm happy seeing them laughing together.

Logan that guy, well. He lessened his womanizing. It's a good news. He better be. Kung may mabuntis man siya sa mga babae niya well, mas gugustuhin ko na lang na sila na lang ni Lily ang magkatuloyan. Haha. He's always irritated, when I teased him to Lily. He glared at me and even rolled his eyes. Haha. So gay.

Miguel, oh that guy too. It shocked me knowing na he's also a BU Student like what the? I thought he's already graduated and like he's old. He's taking up law. I stared at him suspiciously when I heard it. Mukhang siya pa nga ang mapapakulong hindi ang magpapakulong. He keep on pestering me. Like what the hell is his problem? I'm always in a bad mood when he's around. I already punched him tho. Serves him right. Ginulat ba naman ako. Kaya hayun sapol sa mata. Pasalamat siya di nagblack eye. 'Tsk, that freak.'

Harper, well. I don't usually give him attention this time. Yes, I greeted him and that's all. I already ended the chase. It's still painful seeing him with Clarisse but, I can't do anything about it. Ayoko ng makarinig pa ng mga panibagong masasakit na salita galing sa kanya.

My family, we never saw each other again. In a week I'm always sending Nicholas a message and a regards for Tita. I missed them both.

I'm getting used to my new environment. Kuya Jun, surprisingly have a new baby. It's a very good news. Yey! His wife is preggy. I'm happy for the both of them. I hope it's a girl, para naman may princess na rin siya.

🎵I keep dancing on my own🎵

The auditionee ended his song. It's a good song and he's a good singer. The crowd applauses, it's Friday and the theater is full. Lily and I got a nice spot. I saw Harper's group of friends, they're in the judges table. I even saw Chester's keep on glancing on me. Pinapabayaan ko lang.

"Okay, we have our last Auditionee here. Humabol pa. I hope he/she's good para naman maging maganda ang pagtatapos ng audition na to. So guys are you ready to hear our last Auditionee?" The crowd roared. Excited. Sheez.

Actually, I'm already at the backstage waiting for my cue to start. I'm a bit nervous it's gonna be my first time to perform infront of a big crowd, even the Esguerra's didn't know about it.

'Hoh!! I can do this.' I just hope that this thing can add more color to the band if ever I pass.

"Okay, let's us welcomed the last Auditioner." The crowd roared again. I breathe heavily. I started to walked. Unti-unti akong lumapit hanggang sa naging malinaw ang hitsura ko sa lahat. The crowds became quiet. I glanced at the judges table. They're all shocked. I again saw an infinite nowhere to Harper's eyes. Nakakalunod. Umiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya and instead glanced at Lily's chair. She's all smile. She waved at me. Magwe-wave back sana ako but Lily's seatmate catched my attention.

'The hell of that freak.' He's also all smile. Damn that Freak toothpaste guy. I just rolled my eyes to him. I position my thing infront of the microphone. I breathe again and put it to my shoulder. I closed my eyes as I try to reminisce the beat.

'Got it.'

Song: Say Something - A great big world

(Try to open your music while reading this.)

🎵 Say something I'm giving up on you,
I'll be the one if you want me too,
Anywhere I would follow you
Say something I'm giving up on you....🎵

The sad song brought me to a place where I'm just alone. A dark place. I saw my reflection. I'm crying. My dead eyes are crying. Those eyes are full of hidden emotions. I pity myself. I'm pathetic.

Every line of the song waking up the pain I'm hiding. The big cut that I just hide with a bandage suddenly started to bleed again. It burst. I'm bleeding. A such bandage can't never really hide this pain. It's not enough. I ended the song. I can't hear any noise. A tear fell from my right eye. I'm breathing heavily. I stayed still, still closed eyes. Holding my violin and I can't move.

The pain is overwhelming now. I'm afraid that when I opened my eyes. The tears that I'm controlling will burst out. I don't know how long I'm standing here. Gusto ko na lang tumakbo.

'This is not a good idea.'

Ngayon ko lang narealize. Nadala lang ako sa kasiyahan noong isang araw. Di sumagi sa isip ko na it can waken up the pain I'm hiding. Napalunok ako and cleared my throat. I'm ready to walked out but suddenly, I heard a loud roared coming from the crowds. I immediately opened my eyes only to see the students standing while clapping their hands. They're proud, happy and amazed. I even saw the others wiping their tears.

The judges are smiling, standing and clapping. Harper's staring at me with his beautiful smile. A true and legit smile of him. 'Impossible.' The amusement is visible to his eyes.

I roamed my eyes. This is also an overwhelming. Naghahalo na naman ang saya at sakit. I can't smile. My knees shivered. I only bowed and made my way out of there. I used the backstage door to escape. I texted Kuya Jun that we're going. I texted Lily that I'm going already. Then, I silent my phone. I'm hugging my violin as I walked fast through the hallway. I forgot to put it to its case. Napapatingin sa akin ang mga tira-tira na lang na estudyanteng nadadaanan ko.

I needed to be in the car immediately. I can't controlled my tears anymore. I run fast. Kuya Jun opened the car and I immediately get inside and sitted. There, my tears fell. Sunod sunod. Marami. I'm breathing heavily preventing to shouted the pain. Kuya Jun just drive. He never asked nor glanced at me. He's giving me space. And I appreciate it so much. I put the violin beside me. Yumuko ako sa mga tuhod ko. Hands on my face. Pinakawalan ko na ang hikbing kanina ko pang pinipigilan.

Masakit. Masakit na masakit. I only tasted a temporary happiness for a few days then, I'm back to zero. The pain woken up. I'm fucking wrecked. I'm fucking ruined. I'm fucking lost. This is so painful. I can feel the car stop. Kuya Jun's get out. I don't feel that he opened the door on my side. I think he brought me to a place that I can cried hard.

'Thanks Kuya Jun.'

I slowly sitted at the carpeted floor of the car and hugged my knees. There, inilabas ko lahat. I cried while rocking my own body. Para akong isang batang iniwan ng magulang sa gitna ng napakalawak na kalsada. In the first place I really am abandoned, the worst part is I'm disowned.

"W-why? Why is it always to be me? A-am I really a burden?" I keep on asking. I shouted it. Naliligo na ako sa sarili kong pawis at luha. Nanginginig na ako sa kakaiyak. I hold the necklace that Kuya Mac's gave me, a necklace from Mom. "M-mom, why did leave me? W-why do you need to go and leave me like this? W-why? Sana buhay ka pa, sana di na lang ako nabuo!! So that your family is happy and I'm not suffering like this!! M-mom, please just take me with you instead!! It's fucking painful!! It's killing me already!! I don't know kung hanggang kailan ko kakayaning m-mabuhay sa s-sakit!!"

I'm sharing my pain to my Mom. Kahit dito lang malaman niyang nahihirapan na ako at baka gumawa siya ng paraan para matigil na to. This is unfair. My head is aching. Its unbearable. I don't know why.

"I just want to be loved and accepted, pero bakit? Imbes na pagmamahal at pagtanggap, eh puro pasakit ang natatanggap ko?"

© Binibining Feyy