THE UNWANTED (COMPLETED)

19-The Struggle

   Nagising ako kasi pakiramdam ko lumulutang ako. I opened my eyes I saw a neck. I cleared my mind and I get it. Its Kuya Jun. He's carrying me.

I don't have a strength to stop him and put me down. I can't talk. I can't move. I just can't. Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Ang bigat ng ulo ko. Sumasakit pa ito, pino at di ko maipaliwanag. Ang bigat ng dibdib ko. Ang bigat ng mga mata ko at ang bigat ng problema ko.

"A-anong nangyari sa kanya? Kuya Jun?" Catherine's voice echoed into my ear. Kinakabahan at natatakot.

Kuya Jun don't talked. I don't know what's sign he give to Catherine because Catherine never asked again. Para akong isang lantang papel na napakagaan. I closed my eyes. Naramdaman kong inihiga na ako ni Kuya Jun sa kama ko. Hinay-hinay. May pag-iingat. Inayos niya rin ang kumot sa katawan ko at inayos ang buhok kong tumabing sa mukha ko.

"Ikaw na ang bahala sa kanya, Cath." Pinapaubaya na ako ni Kuya Jun kay Catherine. Using his low voice. Afraid na magising ako.

"Sige Kuya Jun, Ako na po bahala sa kanya. Maraming salamat." Catherine's voice is full of concerned. I heard the door opened and closed. Kuya Jun left. I can feel Catherine's presence at my side.

Lumapit siya sa tabi ko. Inaayos rin ang buhok ko. She kissed my forehead. Naramdaman kong humiga siya sa tabi ko at niyakap ako sa may bewang.

"Cruelty's a gift from us, Mary. We never chose but, it chose us. We can't run because it will only chase us. We can't hide because it will find us. We can't smiled freely because cruelty took it with us." Narinig ko siyang suminghot. Crying again.

She's right. Cruelty hit us very hard.

--

I was woken up by an unclear voice. Calling my name.

"Mary!" Calling my name again and again. "Mary wake up. You should eat. You haven't eaten since yesterday." It was Logan.

"I'm full please, let me sleep." My horse voice almost faded. Wala akong lakas na imulat man lang ang aking mga mata.

"No, get up. You'll get sick, if you keep on doing this to yourself. This is not you, Mary. The Mary I know is a fighter." Logan's words irritated me. I immediately sitted and face him with a glared. My head ached. It's spinning. I almost stumbled but I put my arm at my bed for a support.

"Really Logan?? Do you really know me huh?? Did you know that I almost think of killing myself over and over again? Did you know that I'm  very fucking tired? Did you know that before I sleep, I always prayed, that I don't want to waken up again? Did you know that I was also trashed and rejected of the man I love for almost everyday???" I was hysterically shouted it to him. Crying and begging for a peace right now.

I saw pain in his eyes. He's in pain. I didn't mean to be mean to him but, I can't controlled this fucking emotion.

"Shhh Mary, I'm sorry! I didn't know that! Please, I just want to help you! You know that I'm always here for you!!" I lay again and turned my back to him.

"I'm sorry too but, if you really want to help me, right now! Please, leave me alone! I want peace! I want to be alone! I want to s-sleep!!" My voice cracked. I'm fucking wasted.

"Okay, I'm sorry again! I understand!" He leaned on me and kissed my head. "Rest Mary, just don't forget that I'm always here for you! Just call my name, Mary! I can abandoned everything, just for you!" He again kissed my head and left. I started to cry again. Silently.

This is fucking hard. I made him in pain. I dont want Logan to dragged from my sufferings but, I needed him. He's the only family I can lean on this time. He's more like my real brother.