THE UNWANTED (COMPLETED)

38-THE GREAT NATHANIEL ESGUERRA IV

Nathaniel Esguerra IV

   The exhaustion and tiredness I felt is nothing compared to what her suffering right now. A long ride from Davao is tiring but she only occupies my head. My heart. Thinking and imagining her help me to calm down. To relax.

The first time I saw her, after 7 years is surprisingly. I almost run to her and hugged her tight. She really look like MaryDale. She really look like her mother. Thats also the first time I let myself stared at her. The first time, for over 19 years. The second time is when I disowned her. The third is when I saw her lying lifelessly and panting hard to save her life.

My heart ached for the second time around. I planted hatreds and madness inside of my heart towards her. I really blamed her for MaryDale's death. MaryDale's died and she live. It brought a big impact to me. MaryDale's death took half of my life. I also planted hates to my son's head. I scolded them everytime they will mentioned her name around. I'm mad and my emotions rose. I let myself believe and them that she's really the reason of MaryDale's death. She's a killer and she's a trashed. I let her felt that she's not welcomed. I don't really want her around but MaryDale's mother insisted it. She said, Natasha already knew it.

Natasha always tried to open a convo between us. I just disregarded it. Ignored her. Turned my back to her and treated like a dust. My blood boiled as she fight that girl rights. She got a confidence to disobey me. There, I ordered an absoluted order.
Order that she blocked. I was so furious to her that time. I thought of hating her more. That's why I disowned her and throw her out of my house.

The days after she left. The house became so big, so wide. I always felt like it's tiring to walk around. It became so quiet and lonely. I ignored it and continued my daily routine. The breakfast and dinner's atmosphere became heavy. Elias became quiet. He never greeted us good morning and he never lead prayers.  The atmosphere of a good morning greetings disappeared.

There, a month of changes continue. I can never heard a laughs. A shouts and happy conversation. We became far away to each other. The essence of foods became tasteless. I almost lost my appetite everyday. I almost lost my interest of eating together. The silence of Dinning Room is eerie. It creeps through my bones. There's a hole. A hollow feeling. There's something that we can't explain. The completeness.

I glanced at my wrist. Staring at my bracelet. A bracelet version of MaryDale's necklace that I give to her when we celebrated her pregnancy with Natasha. Natasha's wearing it now. It fitted her. She's really MaryDale's daughter. I touch my bracelet.

'MaryDale, I'm sorry again. I know I'm always saying it over and over again, but I can't felt tiredness. I'm sorry again for turning my back to her, to our dear daughter. I'm sorry again for being cruel to her. I'm sorry again for breaking my promised to you that I'm going to take care of her. I'm sorry again. Please, help her. Please give me another chance to make my mistakes right. Let me take care of her this time. Let me love her wholeheartedly this time. Help her please. Send her back to us. I already let you gone unexpectedly but I can't take another you, a version of you, our daughter, our princess and Natasha to left us forever. Please, don't take her away from us. Let her live please. Let me do my responsibilities. MaryDale please. Let me Love her!' I swallowed the pain inside of my throat. I breathe heavily. I again remembered that time. The time that she's lying on that bed. It hit me again. It hit me hard. My heart torn into pieces again.

It's my fault. I never checked her. I never give attention to her. I never knew her feelings. I never treated her well. It's my fault.

'I'm sorry again, My Princess. I'm sorry. Please come back to us. Come back to me. Daddy will take care of you now. I will let you take Law now. I will support your music. I will listen to your stories. I will let you have boyfriend. I will be proud to you now. Please, My Princess. Fight and wake up. We are waiting for you. I am waiting for your comeback. I promised we are going on a vacation together after you recover. And I'm going to let you bring your friends with you. If you want to bring the whole school, I don't mind. Your happiness is more important to me now.' I breathe hard again. I felt incomplete.