Rainbow - BTS

40 - Indigo

(Quick content warning: references to past suicide attempts, emotional conversations, references to mental health struggles and EDs, etc. This one is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but it also deals with reasons to keep going and to seek help, so there are some important elements there. If any of this will be actively hurtful or harmful for you, please feel free to skip. If I remember to sort it, I'll write a quick summary of what happens in this chapter at the start of the next one to make life easier. Love you all x )

The beauty we hold is not limited to happiness 

The love that's foretold is not always so glorious 
The smile on a face is not always real
The world as a whole still needs to learn how to feel

Sometimes it feels like we're not allowed to cry
Sometimes it feels like there's nothing inside
Sometimes the tragedy is our new normal
Sometimes we should realise that it shouldn't be the normal

When the doorbell rings that morning, Yoongi is busy drinking his morning coffee, Ebony curled up in his lap as usual. He pauses at the sound, and then he tilts his head, looking down at the kitten on his thighs. She's grown over the last few months, but not majorly. She's still the smallest cat he has, by far, and there's a little part of him that wishes it will stay that way. 

Her personality would fit that best, after all. 

After a moment's hesitation, Yoongi reluctantly lifts the small pile of fluff, placing her gently on the floor. She mewls in complaint, and he sends her an apologetic glance. "Sorry, sweetheart. Duty calls. I can't just ignore my human responsibilities, after all." She doesn't look back, curling up on her small bed in the corner, and he sighs. "Alright, time to act like a normal person, I guess." 

He trudges towards the door, his head feeling a little heavy this morning. It's not the opening sign of an episode, he knows those better than the back of his hand by now. This is different. This is just the tiredness that comes from wanting to create, and struggling with a block or a hurdle in the way of productivity. He's been sitting with a new idea for the last few days, but nothing has properly emerged from it yet. 

That's the usual pattern of his life, and it'll probably never change. He's used to the ups and downs of inspiration, and motivation, and has learned to treasure the rare moment where the verses come to him easier than breathing does. But that doesn't make it easy to weather the moments where he's blocked by some invisible force, stopped from doing what he really wants by some part of his brain. 

He opens the door cautiously, too tired to deal with salesmen or a neighbour right now. But instead of either of those options, he sees Jin standing there, waiting a little awkwardly, his eyes lighting up as he's granted entry. "Hi Yoongi," he starts, a little nervously. The indigo smiles uncertainly, stepping back to make sure Jin has the space to move into the house. 

"You alright?" he asks, squinting at the other for a moment. Jin is a little paler than usual, the dark circles under his eyes more pronounced than ever before. He's a little fidgety, his hands clasped in front of him, and there's something hidden in his expression that doesn't quite sit right with Yoongi. 

Jin jolts at the question, or maybe at the sound of the door closing behind him. "I'm fine, I think. I just...I think I just needed to talk to you for a while if that's okay. Do you have any plans today? Don't let me interrupt if you need-"

"Jin, I'll ask again. Are you okay?" Yoongi interrupts, more firmly this time, and the purple sighs a little. 
"No. I don't think I am," he admits, running a hand through his hair. "I think I just came to see the cats as well as you, I know that's rude-" 
"It's not," Yoongi says simply, gesturing for the taller man to follow him. "Come with me, I think you need to snuggle with Ebony for a few minutes. She'll help you calm down. She always seems to know how to."