Rainbow - BTS

22 - Orange

Family means that nobody gets left behind
Even if we're not of the same mind
Arguments aren't always solved in seconds, you know
Sometimes it takes the threat to go

Then we figure out that the differences aren't a problem
The darkness only calls when you're alone
But family isn't something we're born with
It's something we build on our own.

"It wasn't your fucking thing to tell!" Jin screams at his brother, and Taehyung sighs, shaking his head a little, standing his ground.
"Hyung, I know that, but what was I supposed to say? He's worried about you!" Jin scowls a little, the expression like a dagger in his little brother's heart. They haven't argued like this since they were kids. So it's even more painful for them to be shouting at each other like this.

"Only because you mentioned it! If you didn't say anything, he wouldn't get so stressed about nothing!" the purple snaps, tired of people telling him things he already knows. Yes. He's not okay. They've been over it a million times now. There's nothing he can do to change that. Nothing at all. He's trying. He just needs time.

"It's not nothing. If I'm not careful, you could die! Do you really think that we could live without you? Sure, I'd get a job, I guess, but it'd break me to lose you. And sometimes I'm scared I already have. Don't tell me that I don't care. Don't tell me that I don't know what it's like to care for someone who never seems to care for themselves. Don't you dare tell me that I can't help you."

Taehyung is crying now, his face red with the tears and his body shaking with the effort of keeping everything locked away. "Don't shut me out," he says, quieter. "Don't make it harder for us both. Why make it dramatic and cliche when we can just work this through together?"

Jin tilts his head sarcastically, still annoyed, even if there's a pang in his chest from the sadness in his brothers eyes. "Yes, let's work this through together whilst also telling my boyfriend about it before I get the chance to, that makes perfect sense!"
"So when were you gonna tell him, huh? When you went to the hospital? When you started going to therapy? When you couldn't come to work because you haven't eaten in three days and you're too weak to move?"

Jin shakes his head. "It's not that bad, Tae."
"But it could be. You can't say that it won't get worse, because sometimes it does. And I don't want to watch you fall down a black hole that I don't know if I'll be able to pull you out of." Then Taehyung frowns a little, confused for a moment. "I told him not to mention it until you were ready. Why did he say anything about it? And when?"

"I could tell something was bothering him, so I asked him. You know how bad he is at keeping secrets. I love him with my whole heart, but sometimes he can be so damn obvious, you know?" Jin explains simply, and Taehyung nods in understanding.

But there's still a part of his mind that's thinking about the blue's reaction to the news. That's wondering how Yoongi is doing. That's wondering what Jungkook thought of him. After all, before this meeting, he probably seemed more like a stalker than a normal person who just wanted to find some motivation.

Thankfully, the green seemed to understand how difficult it is to find that inspiration sometimes, he seemed to grasp the concept of thinking of something without ever realising what it truly is. Jungkook illustrates for Yoongi's poems, so there must be some weird moments of clarity for the seventeen-year old.

That's another thing. Jungkook is seventeen. And there he is, being ridiculously talented and successful for his age group, somehow managing to live as an adult on his own - and responsible enough to own a dog, clearly.

Miri is fucking adorable. There's no other way to put it.

Taehyung lowers his head, feeling guilty. "I shouldn't have said anything," he says quietly, "but he needed to know. He needed to understand what was going on. Maybe it should've come from you. But I know you. And therefore I'm well aware that you're not going to tell him unless you have to. He's been there for you through everything. He's not gonna leave you just because of this."

The orange brings his older brother into a hug, something that's resisted for a moment before Jin relaxes a little into the embrace. "It's okay to need help, hyung. It's okay to not feel perfect. It's okay."
"B-But Tae, I'm a purple," Jin manages to get out before his eyes fill with tears. "I have to be perfect."

The younger male just smiles a little, sadly. "One of the books I've read talks about perfection. It's called....Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit. The name was what drew me to it, since.." he gestures to his hair, and the purple nods in understanding. "And there was a bit that stuck with me."

He pauses. "Pay attention to this, hyung, it's important." Jin looks up, meets his eyes, gives him his full focus. "Perfection is not the absence of flaws. It is balance. It is not about living without blemish, living without any form of damage. It's about being able to balance yourself. Not being too harsh or lenient on yourself. Not giving too much to others or to yourself. Not controlling your responses too much. Allowing yourself to hear both sides of an argument even if you've already made up your mind."

"So I have to...look balanced?" Jin asks, confused, and his little brother chuckles sadly, shaking his head.
"It's not about appearance. Perfection isn't about being a certain weight or having a certain complexion or skin colour that fits with a certain type of clothing. It's not about body shape. It's about the person within. It's about how they treat themselves. And others, of course."

There's a moment of silence, then Jin nods slowly, taking in the new information and processing it properly, taking the suggestion seriously. "Joon said he wanted me to try and get professional help, that he'd come with me if I wanted....but I don't know. I don't know whether I want him there, you know?"

Taehyung nods in understanding. "Do you wanna go alone?" Jin shakes his head quickly, and his younger brother smiles. "I could come with....but would you want me there? Surely the logic is the same, right?"

Jin shrugs. "I don't know. But I don't want Joon to be ashamed of being with me, and I want to get better for us all, if that's what will make you guys happy. If you guys think.....maybe I can achieve balance in a healthier way, maybe there's a way I can be happier with myself in a way that doesn't hurt anyone?"

"First and foremost, it mustn't hurt you," Taehyung responds firmly, bringing the purple into another hug. "But thank you for thinking about it, I know it's scary. I don't want to force you into anything, you know that. But I just want to help you, and I know that a professional will be much better at it than I am."

"I'm not even that bad-"
"Comparing your own struggles to others is not the way to heal, hyung. Right now, are you mentally okay?" Jin shakes his head. "Do you think that getting help will eventually lead you to being more mentally okay than you are today?" Jin nods once. "Then it's worth it."

And he's right.

No matter what is wrong, no matter who someone is, no matter what their financial situation is, no matter where they live, who they love, the pigment of their skin. Everyone is worth saving, and everyone is worth giving a second chance. Everybody deserves a hand out of a black hole, even if they seem horrible at first.

Maybe there are certain crimes which aren't forgivable. And we can't argue with that.

But for most people, they haven't done anything majorly horrendous. Most people aren't out to hurt you. They may be misguided, ignorant, whatever. But if they give themselves the chance, they can be better people. If they put the work in, if we all do the same for ourselves and everyone else, and if others are willing to offer help, they could become better people.

Jin and Taehyung are good people. They work hard, they care, they accept the diversity of humanity. And yet they aren't flawless. They have their own issues, their own things they need to work on. Jin needs to see his own value, and that will be a daily battle. Taehyung needs to see the worth in his work, and realise that he's not a bad writer just because he couldn't write anything that one time.

We all have our off days. That is what makes us human. We are flawed.

We just need to find balance. That's all it takes, sometimes. It's not a miracle cure, but sometimes it's enough to make everything a little more bearable.

And sometimes that's all we need.