HEART knows where HOME is

Part 21(chap 3)

PART 20(part three)

But what I didnt know was that..this was just the first day of him annoying me..for many others to come by...

Flashback end..back to reality:

Chuckling with myself at the memory I glanced once more at my reflection.I really hated and was annoyed by his presence at first.He wouldnt let me alone...when I wanted to stay in the darkness he would bring me in the light ..when I wanted to stay alone he would stay with me...when I was working extra hours he would always drag me out of the office and make me take a break...but then I noticed how it wasnt actually that bad...how when he stayed with me I passed my depresing state better...i had someone to talk and rely to...when I wanted darkness and he would drag me out I saw how I actually liked staying in the sun...how other peoples presence didnt affect me anymore...after all I was just a stranger more in the crowd...I liked when he made me share everything with him...even the most personal things...like he knew even when my period date was...or when I was in a bad mood...or my deepest secrets I never thought I would be able to share with someone...it actually felt good to have someone to share everything with...even the pain..even the happiness...everything.

Sighing at myself I lowered my head..no matter how hard I tried my mind always drifted to him..its like every small thing reminds me of him and the things we have done together.

I need to start focusing on my life now...I needed to forget.Suddenly my eyes went to the razor next to the bathroom sink.Looking curiously at the metal shining under the artificial light ...involuntary I started wondering how would the metal feel pressed against my skin.

Closing my eyes and bringing my hands in fists I stormed out of the bathroom trying to get rid of these toxic thoughts.

Then slowly I started walking down the hall.Stopping before a hanged picture of my family i took a deep breath.The girl that was staying in front of me this time was totally another person from the one i saw just minutes before.the small girl a resemblence of me was staying next to her parents with a small teddy bear in her hands.chubby cheeks..messy hair...and eyes shining full of life and happiness..she is everything i will never be...at least not anymore...because the girl in front of me was me...but smaller.

I need to change..I need to do it and fast..before those toxic feelings that appeared just minutes before start leaving real marks on my life.

I need to start the battle now before its already late and I will have lost it without even starting.

I need to turn that happiness back...I need to turn that shine back to my dead eyes...I need to wake up that happy child that I killed years before bcs of my selfish ambition inside me again.

Making my way downstairs almost as in a rush I found my family eating breakfast together and without even greeting I sat down on the table just before slipping out of my mouth the words I had wanted to say from a long time now:

"Mom and dad...I will start a therapy"...