Finally

Part 10: Truth Be Told

Cock blocked.

If it wasn't Luna- Helen certainly was.

Standing in my living room- looking at her hopelessly, I don't know what to do.

Am I wrong to think she doesn't want this?

She just spent five minutes in my bedroom, staring at my chest with this mortified look on her face after starting us off so...so ducking fierce and forceful.

It was sexy!

The hottest moment of my sex life thus far...if I can call it that because we aren't having sex.

I don't know if we ever will with how things keep going.

"Helen?" She shakes her head and I can tell this is the side of Helen that she bottles up all the time.

The insecure, uncertain, lost side of herself that falls in line with that sad depression.

"Am I wrong to think this?" I ask and her eyes become full and misty. Her bottom lip quivers slightly and she looks away- just holding her close to her body- unmoving.

Unsure.

"If...if you don't...if you don't want to do this, Helen...if you...we don't have too. I'd like to know why there's this barrier between us when we get so close...but I won't force you to open up. If...if all you want is to...to be a couple without the sex or...intimate side of this—then we can do that. Because at the core of it all, Helen- sex, no sex...I just want to be near you. Even if that's just holding your hand. I just want you." She looks up at me and then to windows.

"Truth be told...Max..." She begins and then stops herself. "Truth be told, I can't get out of my own head."

She shakes a bit and slowly walks over to the couch and sits down. Her clothes still clutched tight to her naked body. Slowly going beside her, I sit, the sheet around my torso and I look at her softly.

"I really enjoy being with you, Max. You're sweet and funny and so...so caring." How come this sounds like a break up.

Like that day after the blizzard, when she told me she was no longer my doctor.

"I...I over think—everything. I'm stuck in my own my 24/7 and...and that makes me think and consider things that I shouldn't." I look at her nervously and pray this isn't the dark depression speaking. "It tumbles...like a snowball down a hill. It just keeps gathering and getting bigger and bigger which causes me more stress and anxiety."

"It's not uncommon to feel that way, Helen."

"In the bedroom just now...I was lost in my mind...comparing all of me to...to other women and feeling like I just won't add up...and then I seen your three dots and it just took me back to your cancer and I don't know what's wrong with me." She cries slightly and covers her mouth to stifle it.

"It sounds to me that you're being hard on yourself for no reason. Helen, you can't be compared to other women...namely the ones who have come before you." She sinks in her seat slightly and I just place my hand on her bare thigh. "You are so very different than everyone else I have ever met. You make me feel things I never have, Helen. What could you possibly be insecure about? Have you met yourself? Haha."

"Unfortunately, I have." She starts to get more tears eyed and honestly, I'm wondering if her hormones aren't spiking strongly this week. Namely because she's never like this.

"Stop it. Helen you are beautiful. You have nothing about you that isn't."

"I've seen the women you're into, Max...they're...they're beautiful. They're...they're tall and...have a perfect smile and big..." She looks down at her chest and then looks away. "They check all the boxes."