Finally

Part 35: Hell Hath No Fury

Two weeks of being alone with Vincent has really opened my eyes as to what a woman is capable of if she is left with very little.

Although I have been in immense amounts of pain both physically, mentally and emotionally: I have learned to cope with having Vinnie all day and night with no breaks. Not even to go wee.

Today was the first day I've had a break. Lauren got off of work early and asked to babysit with Layla.

She asked.

I was shocked to find her wanting to play house for the time being. Usually she keeps children at a distance.

Babies especially.

"Babies cry, and shit, and vomit—sure they have cuteness to charm you into enjoying their company- but babies are not something I want in my life time."

Her words have slowly become a meal for her to consume since Vinnie was born. She has been wanting to experience that maternal call.

So today when she asked- I felt awkward even thinking of telling her no.

I needed the break however.

I needed the opportunity to breathe with someone else's CO2 coming right back in my face.

I haven't really slept in at least a week or two.

I haven't really eaten anything of substantial nutrients.

I weened him off of me.

Though I still give him breast milk, I pump instead. It hurts less and a bottle is slightly more comforting to me than having a human attached to my breast. I'm trying so hard to get back in my head of wanting to be a mum and being excited about it.

When I found Max coming from his office, I wanted to just cry. It has been difficult, to an extent, not having him around. Not having him hold me or leave small kisses on my neck. His strong hands caressing and embracing me. We had barely got anywhere before he shipped off. Now he's here and I am lost and bewildered at how incomplete I feel without him. We both said things that were hurtful. I didn't necessarily mean mine. Max's work schedule isn't a problem because we work together obviously. That was more for when Georgia was around, but still.

His words on the other hand were very hurtful and felt like they were meant whole heartedly.

And just now!

Well...be safe.

What the bloody hell is wrong with him???

Wasn't he the one just a few months ago saying that I should never walk home alone and that he won't allow me to do so ever again?!?!?

Yet here we are.

If he would have asked to walk me home, I would have allowed him.

I would have pretended to be irritated with him the whole time, but inside I would be grateful someone loves me enough- even when fighting- to take care of me. I would have eventually told him I was sorry and that I miss him dearly.

But he said "Be safe" in a less than caring way.

But this was all just a big red flag telling me that he has truly lost all care for me.

"Helen!" I stop in my tracks as I hear my name being called. I wait and listen for his footsteps. I close my eyes and pray we can find at least a bit of common ground. "Helen, do you have a moment?"

I turn around and find Adrian coming towards me with a bit of pep in his step.

Figures it's just the Kid and not Him.