Finally

Part 36:When There's Nothing Left: Run

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME????" Despite all the energy in her body powerfully pushing her words out into the space between us, the wind dampens it ever so slightly.

That doesn't mean it hurts less.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU! HAVEN'T I GIVEN YOU ALL I HAVE AND IT STILL ISN'T ENOUGH????" She must really think I'm a greedy monster looking to devour her entirely and ruin her life. "YOU WANT TO TALK?? FINE! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON? FINE!"

She comes closer as I stand in the freezing cold in just my scrub top. The wind whipping through the alley at high speeds- it's very own highway.

"I'M ANGRY MAX! OKAY! I'M ANGRY! WITH YOU! WITH MYSELF! WITH EVERYONE!" I just simply look down at her and as if my stillness was an act of aggression, she starts pushing and shoving me as hard as she can. I don't move.

I don't say anything.

I don't wince at the slight discomfort she causes me.

I don't push back, despite reflexes of fight or flight.

I just let her continue to shove me until finally her shoving and pushes leads me to lose my balance slightly and I land on my ass in the slush on the ground near the door. She doesn't soften or gaze or look concerned.

She just looks angry.

Fucking pissed.

As if the world has wronged her horribly and she will always hold a grudge.

Because what else would she have to hold onto?

"I RISKED MY CAREER! I RISKED MY LIFE! I'VE GIVEN UP EVERY SHRED OF MYSELF! FOR YOU! I WAITED FOR YOU! TO NOTICE ME! TO LOVE ME! TO COME BACK...TO ME! I'M SO ANGRY WITH YOU!I HATE THAT YOU LEFT ME! I HATE THAT YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF WHAT I WANTED! YOU COULD'VE SAID NO, MAX! BUT YOU DIDN'T! YOU NEVER DO! YOU COULD'VE DIED! YOU COULD HAVE ENDED UP LIKE CASSIAN! AND WHERE WOULD I BE MAX????? I DIED WHEN ALL THOSE WEEKS PASSED AND ALL OUR SEARCHING AND PLEADING WITH GOD GOT US NOWHERE! I DIED THINKING I WAS NEVER GOING TO SEE YOU AGAIN AND THEN YOU CAME BACK! BUT YOU WEREN'T YOU! YOU WEREN'T MY MAX! MY MAX WOULD NEVER HURT ME THE WAY YOU DID!" Her red frozen face drips with hot tears that slide from her welling eyes. She chokes on her tears slightly and wipes her eyes just a bit as she tries to catch a passing breath. "YOU APOLOGIZE, BUT YOU NEVER MEAN IT. YOU SMILE, BUT YOU DON'T MEAN IT. YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME...BUT YOU DON'T..."

I remain still as her crying fit chokes her out and she begins to dry heave slightly from her upset.

She's overwhelmed and her body just want her to stop.

But don't want her too.

I want to hear what she has to say.

I want to understand who she is lately.

I just want a few more moments with her before she throws me out.

So at least I can say I had time with her.

"YOU...YOU TRIED..." She sputters a bit. The cold getting to her slightly.

Not as much as myself, but just about.

"You tried to know me...you tried to learn what I liked...what I was like..." She sinks to her knees in the slush in front of me and just cries.

Not angrily though.

Bewildered.

Childlike.

"You tried...why?"

What?