Rocky cliffs.
Dark abyss.
Silent wind.
Cold unfeeling light from above.
That's all I feel at the moment.
That's all that I feel.
Sure, Max explained and apologized for himself.
He made himself clearer than before.
But that still doesn't quell the feeling I'm having. The wretched ruined feeling that I can't do this. I can't be a mum. I can't be a girlfriend. I can't be a doctor.
I can't be.
Simply.
I can't.
All these things, are all I've ever wanted to be. All these things seemed so easy. Even when they were out of reach.
Now I literally have everything I ever sought to dream of.
And yet...
And yet I despise each and every one.
***
I stayed in the hospital for a good two weeks.
Reynolds was certain I needed to be kept a good watch of- both for a rejected heart, infection, and for the sake of the baby.
The baby.
I've yet to name him.
I know how horrible that makes me.
I know how horrible I am for avoiding him as much as humanly possible.
But if one could feel what I do when I think of being a Mum or touching him: one might understand the deep piercing pain I have been feeling every second of every day.
It's not fair.
It's not.
I've only ever longed for him and now I can't stand the sight or thought of him.
I literally am in pain.
And then I realize how horrid that makes me and my sadness and anger grow even sharper and consume even more of me.
No mother should be like this.
What a cruel joke.
"Hey, got your discharge papers- Woman!" Adrian.
He's been helpful...ish.
His girlfriend- I suppose they are back to dating- is more helpful than him.
Emily has really allowed me to open up about this dark web of feelings I have.
She understands. She's been there.
Maybe not as drastic as me- but she knows that there are feelings of disconnect and detachment between a newborn and a mother.
"I'm going home?" No. It's too soon for that.
Too soon to be left alone to tend to my son.
"Sure are. Which- with these papers of freedom- come the papers of titles and lands, M'lady." He acts like a noble knight and does some odd salute from his chest to his forehead. "In the name of Shai-Hulud."
"What are you blathering on about?" Emily asks as she enters with Levi and a small smile crosses her face as she stops beside him.
"Little Mama- I am trying to discharge the Woman."
"Lose the tone or you'll lose something else." She playfully snarls at him and he swallows slightly hard.
"The hospital, as I'm sure you're aware- Sharpe- requires the birth certificate to be filled out properly."
YOU ARE READING
Finally
FanficWith the closing of the door, a new one is now open. After three years, Dr. Helen Sharpe finally gets to know just how Dr. Max Goodwin actually feels about her. When their not so perfect night turns 360*, both are left question what happens next...