Finally

Part 14: Call The Destroyer

I know I shouldn't be upset.

I have no reason to be.

But I can feel her constant hesitation around the topic of Cassian.

I hear her upstairs.

Calling me.

Singing herself to tears.

I feel horrid, but I can't move.

I remain on the steps and just sit there for what feels like forever in the static silence of her apartment.

After a few second more of sitting like this, I sigh heavily and stand up: heading back up the stairs to her. I stand at the top of her stairs and spot her laying on the couch on her left side, holding the pregnancy pillow tightly as she pushes her tears into it. Going around to her, I pull at the pillow to remove it from her.

"Hey...." She had cries and half growls at me. Tossing it to the floor behind me, I lay down in front of her, my arm pressed between her extra large throw pillow and her neck. I curl her towards my body and lay facing her small frame. She says nothing and very nearly stills as I lay with her against me. Placing a small kiss on her forehead, I rub her back and try to calm her tears.

"I'm sorry...I'm really not good at this...am I? No wonder Georgia wanted a divorce." I try to joke slightly, but it hurts.

I really wasn't a good husband.

I'm really not a good father.

And.

I'm turning out to be a very shitty boyfriend...person...

"You're not." She quietly says against my chest and I look down at her slightly. "I think we both are so used to... not being here that we...we don't know how to do this without...hurting the other."

"Yeah...you're probably right." She looks up at me and touches my cheek gently with her fingers.

"I usually am." There's her sarcasm.

The one side I kind of really love the most so far.

I mean I love every side of Helen, but her sarcasm has to be one of the funniest things.

"What should we eat for dinner?" I ask and her eyes sparkle slightly.

She must finally be thinking like a hungry pregnant woman and not the woman who watches everything that goes into her mouth.

"Can you make Shawarma?!"

What the fuck is that?

"Yeah...of course I can..." Her smile widens and her eyes get brighter. This must be one of her favorite dishes.  Going into the kitchen, I pull my phone out and look up what Shawarma even is. 

Oh...

It's like a Middle Eastern Gyro with Humus and pickles.

Interesting.

Going to her freezer, I find some lamb and pull it out to I thaw it. Going to her cupboards, I search and conveniently find a blend of shawarma seasoning already mixed. Getting a skillet, I begin to heat it up with some olive oil and continue the process of making everything.

Naan bread included.

It takes me a good hour and a half to make everything and honestly- it smells delicious.

However, Helen must've fallen asleep because she hasn't made a peep the entire time.

Making her shawarma gyro wrap thingy, I make nine as well and walk it over to her on the couch.