Finally

Part 54: Lies

It was horrible.

Seeing him in that state.

He didn't even look like himself, let alone well.

Mentally, he's lost it and I am hardly one to blame him.

735 days alone in solitary confinement.

I'm impressed he could even speak knowledgeably.

I'm impressed he could tolerate companionship for our mere 15 minutes.

A three hour drive to see my husband for only 15 minutes was beyond ridiculous.

But necessary.

I needed to see him.

Pushing him away and pretending the problem doesn't exist doesn't make the problem go away- it only exacerbates the problem at hand.

The problem being, I've fed into lies in the beginning, despite knowing the true Max.

It wasn't until he was taken into custody that I began to realize that Max wasn't who they were making him out to be. When they mentioned things that happened at the Dam- I knew then and there that it was all a facade and charade of some sort.

It shouldn't have taken that long to realize it.

But it did.

Sadly.

Him saying I should divorce him- that's what also told me he was still in there.

Somewhere.

Inside that twitching, overly blinding, overly apologetic, nearly insane man.

My Max would only ever do what's best for his family.

Divorce?

In this situation- would be best.

In his eyes.

Not mine though.

If I wanted a divorce- I would've done it two years ago when the media called him a child molester and OCY began investigating not only him, but me as well. It took a year before they would close the case on me.

It hurt.

I did nothing and yet I was still a target.

Not that Max did anything either.

But still.

And the poor children.

Having the be asked if daddy ever touches them inappropriately or makes them touch him. Vincent was only 8 and hardly understood any of it.

And Luna.

Lord.

She cried for months every day I told her she had another meeting with the OCY employed therapist.

There were insistent on her being a victim of her father.

She would scream and yell and throw things at them for insinuating such horrible things. She would call them every name in the book when they would directly insult him in anyway.

She was and still is very much my fighter.

She's so strong and refuses to back down from anyone who mentions her father in bad light.

She's a better person than I am.

I sit there and take it.

I know the things they say aren't true and yet I allow them to parade it around in front of me, because I know if I go full chemo on them- I will be the next murderer or horrible tormentor. I will be thrown under the bus for crimes I didn't commit. I will lose my children and home and dignity.