difficult // taegyu

fifth chapter

I don't know why I did all this yesterday. I'm not a person, who is good at comforting or something like that. I normally avoid this kind of situations, but yesterday I did not. I'm feeling totally weird right now.

Do you know the feeling when you are back at your place and feel empty? You try to find out why, only to remember you feel this way the whole time but didn't notice it because you were full of pretending. Pretending to focus, pretending to care, pretending to laugh and love. I often ask myself, who I even am, when I'm not pretending.

I honestly don't know.

But the weirdest thing is, that I don't feel strange because I feel this way right now. To be exact, it's the opposite. I don't feel this way like I usually would do. I feel like I really was there. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to.

I can't tell what happened, why I feel this way but as soon as I woke up this morning, I felt excited. As I am now. I actually don't have something to be happy about, but I just am.

And the people around me notice it. Soobin-hyung asked me this morning, why I look so different. And I only told him, that everything is fine.

Maybe for the first time in a long time.

But now, still excited, I'm standing in front of a fitness center. I wanted to give Yeonbin space (Yeonjun told me that he prepared something), so I just checked if there is a near fitness center, that's why I am here. It's a part of a hotel, which is next to this fitness center, but you can only use the fitness center too.

It looks quite expensive and as soon as I enter a few people turn their heads to check, who I am. But obviously I am not important enough to get exclusive treatment so I just went to a young man sitting a few meters apart from the door, so I can buy a few hours to use this space, if this is even possible. I don't go to fitness centers usually, I have all my equipment at home or just exercise during my basketball lessons.

"Hello, how may I help you?" The young man sitting now in front of me asks with a little smile on his handsome, well-defined face.

Hwang Hyun Jin is written on a name tag near his chest.

I look him straight in the eyes. People say, you need strength to look people in the eyes. I don't know why honestly. Maybe it's because that you risk something. Risk that the other person, notice you, know you, look through you. But isn't that what everyone wants? So why do we keep avoiding it?

I think it's because we are afraid that exactly this doesn't happen. We don't want to be disappointed every time we look at someone and they don't really see us. You need strength to don't let it disappoint you. It doesn't disappoint me anymore. I am used to it. I am strong.

"Hi, I'm on my holidays here at a near park and I want to work out here for a few hours." I say directly what I want.

He nods. "Yes, we have an offer for people on holidays." He nods and tells me the price for two full days. It's a really nice concept and not so expensive as I had thought. I don't have to do the two days in a row, I can just visit here today and one of the other days.

His smile never leaves his face, and it never looks forced, like he really is genuinely happy. What does he have what I still have to find?

"If you want, I can give you a short tour and tell you a little bit about everything you have to know?" I nod, thankful that he will show me around, cause this place seems big and confusing. I signature the paper he hands me over and pay the amount and after that we start our tour.

He tells me a little bit but doesn't talk too much. Seems like he likes the silence too.

"And this is my favorite place! The dancing room. But unfortunately, my employee has an individual lesson with one of our costumers right now."

At this moment we wanted to turn around and go to the other side of the building so I can start to work out, but the door of the dancing room opens slowly, and I hear a known laughter.

Two males come out of the room, looking at each other, laughing. The taller and probably older one has one of his arms around the others shoulder. Like they know each other or maybe more like just knowing each other.

I notice how my hands cramp into fists and every muscle in my body tenses. I look at them with concerned and angry eyes. They don't notice us standing there right in front of them. I guess they are in their own world.

"Oh, look. This is Mingi, my employee, and our best student" Hyunjin says, probably still with his smile on his face, while I'm trying not to do something I would regret. I mean, why am I even like this?

They still don't look in our direction.

"Seems like the dancing room was filled with a dazing atmosphere." I whisper, loud enough for everyone to hear, while I try to normalize my breathing.

Finally, Beomgyu notices me. "Tae! Hey!" The other male still holds on to him. I go a step closer to the both of them and grab Beomgyus free arm.

"Hey, don't have to be jealous! I already have a man at home waiting for me."

Jelous? I? No! They were just... too close. But that doesn't change the fact, that I sigh in relieve as soon as the man says that.

I turn to face him again. "I am not. But sorry. I didn't know that." I mumble.

"Alright. Let's start again! I'm Mingi!"

I greet him back and tell him my name. Honestly he seems really nice and I feel a little bit bad to treat him so rude. Beomgyu watch everything, still standing right next to me, because I didn't let go of his arm till now.

Wait! I still hold-

I immediately let go of his arm.

After this Hyunjin and Mingi talk a bit leaving me with Beomgyu. "What are you even doing here?" I ask Beomgyu, still a little bit annoyed. "I could ask you the same! Coming here, not even greeting me but grabbing my arm like I was about to get kidnapped!" I roll my eyes. "Whatever..."

Not wanting to deal with me anymore, he asks Hyunjin: "How is Seungmin doing?"

"Everything is great!" His smiles got brighter as he heard this name.

The three of them talk and talk and talk, don't bothered by the fact, that I am still standing here.

Annoyed because of the whole situation I do something, I'd never expect me to do.

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cliffhanger :)

Sorry, that it took me so long, I'll try my best to upload regular. Do you like it when I include other idols too? Should they be in the story for longer?

How did you like it? I totally freaked out by the pictures I chose!

Anyways hope you have/ had great day! Leave comments if you want and don't forget to vote <33