difficult // taegyu

seventeenth chapter

I look at Taehyun in shock.

"I like you. Different than anyone else. You're special. I knew it from the first moment I saw you. You made me blush. I'm still embarrassed, but it's been ages since someone was able to do that. You have an immense effect on me. I would tell you honest things, open up to you and show you my real self. It's like I must make sure you're safe and I want to be there for you and with you all the time. Next to you the world doesn't seem as dark as I thought it is. In the short of time, we know each other you made me realize that I need you. I want to figure out what I'm feeling, and I know it's no friendship. I want more with you. I want you. I want you to be mine."

His words keep spinning in my head.

He likes me.

I am special for him.

He likes me.

He wants me to be his.

He likes me.

I can't focus on anything. I can't believe what I'm hearing right now. Is he for real?

"Beomgyu," he raises my chin, because I'm looking down, trying to organize my thoughts, "do you want to be my boyfriend?"

I still refuse to answer, to busy staring at the boy in front of me. His red hair shines bright because of the colorful lights of this park, his eyes are focused on mine.

I get lost in his dark brown eyes, all the questions in my head totally forgotten. The only thing that matters are his eyes. They look so warm, like coffee and precious like gold. I'm addicted to the view. I want more of that. I want that forever, just me and this brown with slightly gold pigments. I want to keep it and never get rid of it. Can the time stop for a bit please? I want everything to stay like this just for a bit longer.

"Panda" I can hear a sweet whisper. Far, far away from me, as if it's send from a different world. Before I can process anything that happened, I can't see this addicting brown anymore. But before I could panic, I feel something soft against my lips instead.

He kisses me! I'm too shocked to kiss back. His hands, that were behind my neck to get a better position for kissing me, slowly let go and he looks at me with the same expression as I look at him. Shock.

"I-I I'm sorry...", he mumbles, now embarrassed of he has done.

My brain is completely off by now. I don't get what happened at all.

H-he kissed me?! He likes me?! THAT way?

And now he thinks I don't like him back. Shit! What have I done? What should I do? Help! Think Beomgyu, think!

Wait he kissed me, right? That's like a prove, right? Should I prove him the same way? Okay, he can't refuse it now, he was the first one though. Fuck it, I want to feel his lips again!

I take a deep breathe, lock eyes with him again and take a step closer. Before he could protest in any way, I close the gap between our lips.

His lips taste like heaven, like everything will be alright, like nothing else matters. I feel myself melting into the kiss, relaxing. Instead of being a short kiss, we stay like this, moving our lips in sync for what feels like eternity, but is still too short. The kiss was a slow, soft one full of insecurity and true happiness. By now I had my hands wrapped around Taes neck and his arms are slung around my waist.

Eventually we must break our connection because we need air to breath.

As much as I would like to connect our lips again, I know I have to answer him. Breathlessly, I whisper:

"I like you too."

As soon as I state that I feel like an unbelievable weight was lifted from my shoulders and Tae smashes his lips against mines again out of joy. I gladly respond and after a short time he looks at me for a moment.

"So, is this a yes?", he smirks. Why is it still so embarrassing? I just nod and hide my red face. "No need to be embarrassed, baby."

Baby?! That nickname makes it all worse and I hide myself in his shoulder. But gladly I can still hear his wonderful chuckle, caused of my actions.

We spend the time as carefree as that. We left the park only after a few hours, not before we would ride other coasters and eat more snacks though. He then brought me to my apartment, and we said goodbye.

The next two days were exactly the same.

We spend all the time together, he made me forget all my problems. We went out shopping, having dinner together and have cuddling sessions in the evening at my apartment. Sadly, he refused to sleep in my room again. But even though, I had a great time. I was flustered really often, but he made me so happy. We would steal kisses, hugs and even some sweet encouraging words from each other. Everything was great. But still not everything is perfect.

I haven't talked to my brother since that incident. I still feel bad, but he didn't come to me either, so it's not only my fault, right? The next conversation with my parents will come too. I don't want to face these liars again. And the worst thing is, that I am not allowed to be in a relationship, and especially not with a boy.

My parents would be so mad. So so mad. When my brother came out to them, they ignored him for months. I have no idea what they will do with me. I mean they need me but... you never know, they are unpredictable. And this isn't even the end! The holidays aren't forever. Taehyun must be travel home soon and what will happen than? Will he forget me? Will it be like we never met? I don't want this to happen, but who am I to have any hope? That's not how my life works.

Even if he made my days so bright and full of happiness and love these thoughts remain in my head. These thoughts keep in my mind, hiding behind other unimportant stuff just to come up random and remind me that these problems still exist.

What should I do?

Why does it have to be so complicated?

I guess, I have no other option than to wait. I will just try to enjoy the last days in peace.

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hello, I'm back!

Sorry for taking so long again, but school started again. I wanted to publish this chapter sooner, but it just didn't work out earlier. But I didn't want you guys to wait longer for Guys answer.

This was the last chapter I prepared so I'm not sure when I'll update again. I'll try to hurry.

How did you like it? Was it cute? I'm not sure about this chapter tbh... Hope you liked it!

Anyways don't forget to vote and commenting!

Take care and I love you all <33