difficult // taegyu

twelfth chapter

Listen to over and over again by Taehyun :) have fun!

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If you'll ask me tomorrow how I get in my apartment, I can't tell you. I won't have any memories of the way, but I'll surely know, who get me here. Cause right now I'm looking in his eyes. His beautiful eyes that look concerned at me, a look which only a few people are allowed to see and I'm glad to be one of them.

"Welcome to my home!" I excitedly say, not sure if I 'm happy because I am here or because he is with me. "This is a hotel" Taehyun states. Even though he said it coldly, I know that his coldness isn't surrounding him at this moment. "Can't a hotel be a home?" I ask back. "Only for a short time!" He still doesn't want to give in, but neither do I. "But isn't everything temporary?" I say, we are getting closer by every sentence we are saying. "Yes, that's why we should hurry..." He speaks. We both don't exactly know, what he means but it feels right. As right as it feels to have his body close to mine, to feel his breath on my lips and being able to see the worry in his eyes.

"Hey, you alright?" He's caressing my cheek and gently grabs my hand right after to slightly rub my hand with his thumb.

I slowly nod, not really understanding his question neither my answer, I just know, that I'm safe. I smile at him. Feeling how my eyelids get heavier, I lean closer to the warmth, that starts to engulf me.

"I'm sleepy" I mumble between his arms, or at least I hope I did.

I barely notice that he leads me to my bed right after, helps me out of my annoying clothes and into my pajama.

Before I start to sleep, I snuggle myself into the bedcover and say: "Stay". (To be honest I don't really leave him a choice because I'm still holding his hand.)

Smiling, I finally fell asleep.

Black. Everything is black again.

Oh, wait. Right there is something different. A light. I go closer to recognize what it is. Every step I take is hard to do. It's like the floor doesn't want to let go of my feet. I must take all of my strength to force them to go closer to the unknown light.

Finally, I reach the source of light. It's a white lily, shining proudly and brightly. This time it's only one, sitting alone in a little glass box.

I stare at it for a few seconds, or hours. It looks beautiful. The flower is safe in there, being protected by the walls made of glass, being shielded from the world outside.

Suddenly, a high scream, a scream that I can recognize right away, is heard. I know this voice too well. I can hear it every day, every time I open my mouth. It's full of pain, the sound when something inside someone brakes, when you finally know you failed and can't safe it anymore.

Because of the high-pitched sound, the glass starts to brake and shatters loudly. The pieces, bursting out of their original position, fly in my direction. They cut my skin, make me bleed and enter my skin. One piece felt right on my chest, trying to enter my chest to arrive at my heart.

I bleed and the red rain starts dropping again. My blood and the heavens' blood mix up, getting one on the ground. 

The piece by my chest won't stop. The pain is incredible. Now I can't even breath anymore, the fragment prevent oxygen to appear at my lungs. Shivering and sweating I am standing here. Helpless. Hopeless.

Everything hurts. I'm full of bruises and cuts by now. I'm not able to move. I'm not able to safe the lily from getting all red. Again.

I feel how a tear is escaping my eye, rolling down my cheek. Again.

I feel the end coming closer. Again.

I know I failed.

Again.

"-gyu! Beomgyu! Wake up!" I immediately open my eyes to meet Taeyhuns'. I feel the desire to wipe off my tears, but I can't move. I'm still frozen and more tears fall on my cheeks endlessly. "Hey, everything is fine, sweets. I got you. You are safe!", Taehyun repeats these phrases over and over again, pulling me closer to him and pressing me tightly against the shirt he is wearing. His hugs help me to calm down. Feeling his heartbeat through his chest and his arms wrapping around my body make me realize he is actually here, I'm safe.

"I got you" He got me.

"You are safe" I'm safe.

After a while, he lets go of me, only to check if I'm okay now.

He gives me a smile and asks "Better?" I nod and it really is, but it doesn't take long for me to burry my face in his neck again, because I want to feel more of this comfort.

I don't question why he is still here, why he is holding me tight or why he is only wearing boxers and the shirt from the party. It just doesn't matter right now.

What matters is the boy I'm leaning on right now.

"We can talk about this later if you want, lets go back to sleep." I tense up a little. I don't want to go back to sleep. I'll be back in the black again.

He notices my behavior and as soon as we both lay down, he pulls me closer, holding me by my waist and whispers: "I'm right here. Everything will be alright!"

I believe him, but there is one thing a beloved person used to do when I couldn't sleep. Maybe it would help me like, when I was younger. "Can you- can you maybe sing a lullaby f-for me?" I don't know what he thinks right now, I can't even see his face, but before I can say sorry, I hear his voice singing quietly. It's a song filled with warmth and love. (a/n: over and over again by Taehyun is the best lullaby in the world, fight me)

And with this I welcome the black, that came as soon as I closed my eyes, with a little smile. I know when I'll wake up, Tae is here with me. He will make sure that I'm safe.

Over and over again.

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hellooooo, I'm back! Sorry again for not updating till now. But I'm currently trying to prepare more chapters so I am able to update every second day.

By the way do you like the chapter? Are you curious who that oh so mysterious person beloved by Beomgyu is?

Hope you like the idea of how the story gets going.

Keep voting and I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Love you all! Take care!