difficult // taegyu

final chapter

It's been a long time since Beomgyu and I met. Six months to be exact. Now, instead of sunbeams, snowflakes reaching the ground of the streets. Through my window I can clearly see all the kids playing with the snow making unbelievable figures, snowmen, and snow angels.

You may ask yourself why I'm sitting all alone in my room, in front of my window, again. Why am I not with Beomgyu? Where is he? Aren't we together anymore? What am I doing here?

I'm waiting. The clock is slowly ticking. I wait for the small hand to reach the six. It's now by five.

Five minutes.

Four minutes.

Three minutes.

Two minutes.

One minute before I go.

I grab my things, a small bag, with precious content, my winter cap, my jacket, and my phone.

My mind is all blank. I can't picture what I'll say in the next few minutes. It's like the coldness around me kept my own coldness, leaving my insecure self, unprotected.

I can't even breath normally, because of the cold. Light clouds appear in front of my mouth every time I am able to exhale.

I make my way through the snowy streets. I should need ten more minutes. Everyone seems to calm down in the wintertime, at the same time afraid, because one false step could ruin everything. The cars drive slower than usual, even the people walk slower, anxious they will fall because of the icy roads. Everyone is busy with their own things, probably thinking about presents and their loved ones, how to make them smile, anxious if they'll choose the wrong item.

Just like me they have a mission they will complete, not even thinking twice if they should do it. I feel like the coldness helps people think.

Not for me though, because the coldness everywhere irritates me. Compared to it even I seem warm. But maybe it's not only the winter who let me feel this way, who let me feel warmer.

For six months, or maybe five months, I don't feel as cold anymore. I don't feel the need to hide myself under the bedcovers every night, don't feel the need to use studying as an excuse to be free from any interactions and don't feel the need to put as dishonest smile on. Because all I do is smiling genuinely.

The reason of this is only a few hundred metres away by now.

My feet walk further, passing people, shops and trees decorated with glitter and stars. I don't know if I like this kind of decorations. It's cheesy and kitschy, but in a way, it reminds me of the joy many people have during Christmas days.

Finally, I arrive in front of the building I was searching for.

The big white house, with black cars around, don't really welcomes you nicely. It's too big, too modern, too cold. But the person inside is the most warm, beautiful, and kind person in the world. And it's the one I am waiting for. So, I stay here, on the other side of the street, constantly looking at the door, checking the time a few times. Normally, he should be ready by now.

Gripping the bag harshly, I see my man leaving the building, stepping down the stairs in slow motion. He doesn't see me yet. And then our eyes meet.

He looks at me, smiling bridely, as he recognizes me immediately. I start smiling too and letting the air out I didn't know I was holding in.

"Tae, what are you doing here?" he asks excited to see me.

"Taking you somewhere, sunshine" I answer taking his hand in mine, making it warm again. He knows something important is going to happen. It's not like I never picked him up, but I would usually tell him. But this time it's a surprise. Hopefully a good one.