difficult // taegyu

eighth chapter

I wake up, because of the raindrops knocking heavily on my window. It's dark outside, like my thoughts inside my head.

I can see myself a bit by the reflecting of the window, broken because of the traces caused by the raindrops.

I think if people would look at my real self, instead of my mask I wear every day, they would see a broken boy. Broken in uncountable pieces, that are only holding together because of my pretending.

Did you ever see a broken someone and asked yourself who broke them?

I ask myself that every day. Every time the answer is the same.

I want to know the reason, but instead of asking why I constantly ask myself who. Not because I don't know it, but because I don't want to admit it and it scares me.

Because it's me. It's me who broke this someone. I broke myself.

I continue to stare at my reflection.

People say only broken people notice other broken ones.

Am I able to notice that I am broken, because I am broken, or am I broken, because I can notice it?

A knock rips me out of my thoughts. "Tae? Oh you're awake? Do you want a coffee?" My best friend asks me with a smile on his face.

I nod slowly and make my way closer to him and follow Soobin to our table.

I hear the coffee machine making their job and after some time, Soobin hands me out my coffee.

Coffee is known as the bitter taste of life, but why is it so addicting? When I was younger, I hated this taste but since a few years it's like I need it. Why are the things, which can hurt us the most, in life, also the ones we wish to have the most?

I thank him and put it on the table in front of me.

"How did you sleep?" Soobin asks me the casual morning question. "Good, what about you two?" Soobin just nods and blushes lightly. Yeonjun, wanting to help him, lays an arm around his shoulders and says: "Good too"

A smirk is placed on my lips, as I realize that something between the two is different. Soobin doesn't push Yeonjun away or be confused about his actions, but he blushes every time Yeonjun comes near him.

I know my best friend very well, but because of his shyness I never saw him in a relationship. I don't know how he act when he is affected like this. But I have to admit that the side of my two blushing, sleepy friends is kinda cute.

"We didn't talk yesterday that much, but how was your day? What did you do?" Yeonjun asks and I start to drink my coffee.

"Uh, nothing special. I went to a near gym to work out and bumbed accidentally in Beomgyu-hyung..." I say and try to sound as calm as I can. Not as I am not calm, I just want to sound as calm as I am and not like my heart starts to beat way too fast, when I say his name, which is totally not the way it is.

To be honest I'm confused. I'm confused about me, my actions and everything that happened yesterday. I still don't know why I got angry, he didn't do something wrong. But I think I was more upset about the whole situation and angry about the closeness between the two older boys and Beomgyu. But everything was definetly worth it, when he showed me this dance-

"Not special, huh? What are you thinking about?" Soobin teasingly asks me.

"Nothing, really!" They both looked at me in a way, that obviously say, that they don't believe me.

"Come on, Taehyun!" Yeonjun whines and I give in, because these idiots can be so annoying to even break a stubborn like me.

"We just saw each other, because a guy showed me around and Beomgyu had a dance lesson with another guy. We talked and then, I don't know why, I told him to show me his dance. The two other men talked and we left them, because I wanted to be alone with him. And then he danced. And..." I start rambling, but soon stop when I notice it.