part 52

711 30 7
                                    

TW - ALCOHOLISM
AN- It's a long one today!!

As you walk up to the reception desk, sleek and modern with its curved marble desk and grey slate counters contrasting against the wooden panelling backdrop, Happy peers his blotched face over a computer screen. Sliding his glasses down his face slightly, he watches as you approach.
‘Hey Happy. Is he in?’ you indicate to the plaque displaying James name bolted to a dark oak door across the hallway.
Slightly shook, Happy stutters as he scrambles for something to say while sliding from behind the desk to stand between you and the corridor. 'Miss Miller.. How lovely to see you. How are you feeling?’

Brushing off his pleasantries you waft the newspaper still gripped in your hand towards him ‘Happy, is James in or not?’

Peering between you and the doorway he mutters his rehearsed scripture. ‘Mr Barnes is not hosting any visitors at the moment. He’s in a very important meeting and has requested not to be disturbed.’

Scowling, you snap back. ‘Well I am not any visitor and he certainly doesn’t have to host me. Just answer one damn question.’ You barge past his stocky figure as you stomp towards his office. Not even pausing you fling the door open, empty bottles littered his desk as the stench of stale alcohol escaped the room. Sitting in his chair James’ face was haggard, his stubble now a beard and his usual clean cut suit hung wrinkled exposing the dark artwork decorating his chest through the open buttons of the collar.

James didn’t look up as you entered, his head resting on his hand as he sat slumped. James’ voice was a low grumble as he roared, ‘How many times have I told you Happy, I am not to be disturbed.’

Unamused with his slurred anger your eyebrows raise. ‘For one, I am not Happy and two if you would answer your damn phone I wouldn’t have to come over here to disturb you.’ A coldness spread over you as you tried to keep your firm stance. It was clear Bucky was hurting and it took every ounce to not run over and hold him, but he had also hurt you.

James eyes were raw, the shine dulled under the glaze of the whisky. ‘Doll.’
Feeling your knees weaken at his softened rasp your relax your posture slightly. ‘James. Can we talk?’

Silently kicking the chair opposite out from under his desk it scrapes across the carpeted flooring.

                            ___________

Grabbing the neck of another almost empty bottle you pour the amber nectar into your glass. The burn of the whisky has been your only comfort the last few weeks.

Watching as Beatrix takes a seat opposite your eyes narrow in to observe the fading bruises still visible to her arms and face, her eyes looked tired as through she hasn’t slept in days. Under the dimmed light of your office you could see them glistening behind the tears she was holding back.

You had missed her so much, it was like living in your own personal hell being separated from her. A lump formed in your throat, clenching your fist watching your grazed knuckles turn white, it was all you could do to stop your hand reaching out to stroke her soft delicate skin. Briefly closing your eyes you soak in the sweet smell of wildflower and jasmine, her presence instantly eased your pain. Taking a deep breath to prepare yourself ‘I owe you an explanation.’

                        _____________

You intently listen to James as he explains why he hired Clint, the blind panic after the incident in the nightclub, the loss of his mum and motivation behind starting his business in the first place. Looking into his eyes as he tells you all he ever wanted was to keep you safe was everything you wanted to hear.

Sitting back to lean against the padded armchair your hand twirls a curl through your fingertips as you process what he was explaining to you. You could understand the rational but there was still one thing left unanswered, questioning James, ‘If it was you who hired Clint, why didn’t you just tell me, explain this sooner? Why did you let me believe it was Paul?’

Pausing in the silence so he could answer, James sat there just staring at you. ‘You held me as I broke, swore to protect me as I cried in your arms and all this time it was you I was running from!’ a flame of betrayal began to burn. Feeling exposed you stand from your seat pacing the room, wanting to leave but needing answers to your questions.

Placing his glass down on the desk Bucky staggers from his chair towards you, banging his leg on the corner of his desk as he swayed. ‘Doll, I want to protect you. I need too.’

‘Well your doing a grand job so far pal.’ Your tone sarcastic as you roll your eyes. ‘Surely if you wanted me safe that would actually involve you being in my life. Communicating with me. Caring about me not ghosting me for the last 2 weeks.’ The pain of the rage you have felt since James left you now rising to the surface.

James matched your emotions, his irate tone bounced from the walls. ‘ I do care! I have cared from the second I laid eyes on you. I cared when I held you in my arms, when I took you to my bed and when we spent all night sitting up talking till the morning. Most of all, I cared when I watched you die and there was nothing I could do to save you. All you needed to do was hold on and you couldn’t. You were supposed to stay, I thought we were endgame but you left.’ Tears welled from his eyes as they broke the surface.

Confused and dazed at his outburst, ‘I left you! You literally walked out on me as I lay in hospital. You left me. YOU.LEFT.ME!’ your whole body shook as the adrenaline soured through your veins. To angry to stay any longer you storm out of the room leaving Bucky to dwell into his booze.

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