Coffee Mess

Mother Issues

"You-you have feelings for me?"

"No. Well..." She sighs "I care about you, I want you to be happy, but I meant you; it's so obvious you have feelings for me, so I would never put you in a position that could hurt you"

"Oh, ok. Thank you, I guess"

"Don't mention it. I'm not the bitch people think I am"

"For what is worth, I never thought you were a bitch..."

"That's so kind of you. Anyway, I think I should better go, since we solved our issue"

"Right, we solved it..." I say, getting up too

"I'm sorry things didn't work out, but thank you for everything. The understanding, the sex, the food..."

"It was my pleasure. And for my part, thank you for always being honest with me"

"Of course. If I have one good quality, it's honesty. Raw, unsugar-coated honesty"

"That's very important, San. You don't meet honest people every day..."

"I certainly don't" she says, looking away for a second

"I can imagine..."

"Yeah...so, I'm leaving. Is a hug appropriate?" she asks hesitantly

"Oh, we've done a lot worse" I say smirking and she chuckles

"Right" she says and I open my arms, looking at her smiling. She smiles back and comes close, burying herself in my chest, with her arms under mine and on my upper back, while I wrap mine around her shoulders, smelling her hair. When I feel her pulling away, I do the same, reluctantly

"Bye, Logan"

"Bye, Sandra...see you in the morning" I say and she chuckles again

"Right, I still work right across the precinct"

"Yep"

"See you tomorrow, then" she says and after giving a final petting at Dodger, she leaves

~~~

Sandra's P.O.V.

"Hey, you're back already?" my dad asks when I get in the house

"Yeah, there wasn't much to tell..."

"You ended it, huh?"

"Yep" I answer, dropping on the couch next to him, leaning on his shoulder, and he puts his arm around mine, kissing my head

"May I ask why you look to sad?"

"Well, he said some things that got me thinking"

"Like?"

"Like, that I have unresolved issues, that someone has made me think that I don't deserve good things and that's why I prefer not to even try to have something good, and that's why I don't want a relationship and look for something ephemeral...do you believe that too?"

"Look, I know that you have some issues because of your mom, but I can't tell if that's why you're acting the way you do..."

"Oh come on, you've known me practically my whole life. You must know if I'm being self-distractive"

"I wouldn't say you're being self-distractive. I'm actually all-pro for you living your life, you know, as long as you're being careful"

"Yes, but do you believe that I throw away the good things because I think I'm not good enough?"

"I don't know if he's a good thing, if that's what you're asking..."

"What if I tell you that he is?"

"Then I will say that sticking up to your beliefs and your principles is very important. But first, you have to know what your beliefs and principles are. And before finding that out, you'd better stay single"

"That's what I said; That I don't even know myself yet. I can't be in a relationship if I don't know who I am, especially in a relationship with someone who has everything figured out"

"He asked you to be together, huh?"

"Kinda, yeah...I hate that I rejected him. He's such a nice guy"

"If we're being honest, I think he's a little old for you..."

"Oh, come on. We have the same age difference you have with mom"

"And look where it got us"

"No, dad, the age difference wasn't the problem. The problem was that mom realized she was too good for us"

"Your mother just didn't live her life and it came up now"

"It didn't come up now She always felt that I held her back. That having me was a mistake"

"Oh my God... He's right"

"What?" I ask pulling away

"Logan's right! You do have unresolved issues! You're trying not to make the same mistakes your mother made"

"Of course I am. I don't want to end up like that. I want to be sure that when I have a family, I will want them with all my heart. Without thinking about all the things I didn't do"

"And I support you, 100%. But, please, please, make sure you really don't have regrets after. That includes things you did do"

"Is this a subtle way to tell me not to throw away something good just because I want to live my life?" I ask and he chuckles

"Maybe..."

"If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that..." I say, getting up

"Where are you going?"

"To drink my feelings out..."

"It's 6 in the afternoon, the bar isn't even open yet"

"I'll have coffee first" I say, taking my things and leave

~~~

When I walk in the coffee shop, Fred looks at me weird.

"What are you doing back here?"

"I came to leave my whole paycheck here. Get me a latte" I answer, sitting on a chair

"A latte?"

"Yep. I'll have a latte until this place turns into a bar and then I'll have a bottle of tequila"

"What the hell happened?" he asks, turning to make me the latte

"I just broke the sweetest guy's heart and I feel like shit"

"The police officer's?"

"Yep"

"Oh, so you were together"

"Nope, we were just fucking"

"Oh...um...ok" he says awkwardly bringing me my coffee and then he sits down

"Sorry to shock you, but yeah..."

"No no, it's ok, I just didn't expect that response. So, why did you break his heart?"

"Because he wanted more and I didn't"

"Why?"

"Because I'm trying not to make my mother's mistakes"

"Is it worth it?"

"I don't know, but I guess I'll find out someday" I say, taking a sip from my coffee

"So now what? You're left without a booty call?"

"Not exactly. I mean, I had a few one night stands these past few days, so I can have that, but also I have another guy"

"Look at you...Taking over L.A. one dick at a time" he says, making me laugh