Coffee Mess

Mother Issues

"U-u have feelings for me?"

"No! Well, I care about u, I want u to be happy, but I meant u...it was so obvious u have feelings for me, so I would never put u in a position that could hurt u"

"Oh, ok. Thank u!"

"Don't mention it...I'm not the bitch people think I am!"

"For what is worth, I never thought u were a bitch..."

"That's so kind of u...anyway! I think I should better go, since we solved our issue"

"Right, we solved it..." I say getting up too

"I'm sorry things didn't work out, but thank u for everything! The understanding, the sex, the food..."

"It was my pleasure! And for my part, thank u for always being honest with me"

"Of course! If I have one good quality, it's honesty. Raw, unsugar-coated honesty!"

"That's very important, San! U don't meet honest people every day..."

"I certainly don't" she says looking away for a second

"I can imagine..."

"Yeah...so, I'm leaving! Is a hug appropriate?" she asks hesitantly

"Oh, we've done a lot worse!" I say smirking and she chuckles

"Right!" she says and I open my arms looking at her smiling. She smiles back and comes close, burying herself in my chest, with her arms under mine and on my upper back, while I wrap mine around her shoulders, smelling her hair. When I feel her pulling away, I do the same, reluctantly

"Bye, Logan"

"Bye, Sandra...see u in the morning" I say and she chuckles again

"Right, I still work right across the precinct!"

"Yep!"

"See u tomorrow, then!" she says and after giving a final petting at Dodger, she leaves

~~~

Sandra's P.O.V.

"Hey, u're back already?" my dad asks when I get in the house

"Yeah, there wasn't much to tell..."

"U ended it, huh?"

"Yep!" I answer dropping on the couch next to him, leaning on his shoulder, and he puts his arm around mine, kissing my head

"May I ask why u look to sad?"

"Well, he said some things that got me thinking"

"Like?"

"Like, that I have unresolved issues, that someone has made me think that I don't deserve good things and that's why I prefer not to even try to have something good and that's why I don't want a relationship and look for something ephemeral...do u believe that too?"

"Look, I know that u have some issues because of your mom, but I can't tell if that's why u're acting the way u do..."

"Oh come on, u've known me practically my whole life. U must know if I'm being self-distractive!"

"I wouldn't say u're being self-distractive. I'm actually all-pro for u living your life, u know, as long as u're being careful!"

"Yes, but do u believe that I throw away the good things because I think I'm not good enough?"

"I don't know if he's a good thing, if that's what u're asking..."

"What if I tell u that he is?"

"Then I will say, that sticking up to your beliefs and your principles is very important. But first, u have to know what your beliefs and principles are...and before finding that out, u'd better stay single"

"That's what I said! That I don't even know myself yet. I can't be in a relationship if I don't know who I am, especially in a relationship with someone who has everything figured out!"

"He asked u to be together, huh?"

"Kinda, yeah...I hate that I rejected him. He's such a nice guy!"

"If we're being honest, I think he's a little old for u..."

"Oh, come on! We have the same age difference u have with mom"

"And look where it got us!"

"No, dad, the age difference wasn't the problem. The problem was that mom realized she's too good for us"

"Your mother just didn't live her life and it came up now..."

"It didn't come up now! She always felt that I held her back. That having me was a mistake!"

"Oh my God! He's right!"

"What?"I ask pulling away

"He's right! U do have unresolved issues! U're trying not to make the same mistakes your mother made!"

"Of course I am! I don't want to end up like that! I want to be sure that when I have a family, I will want them with all my heart! Without thinking all the things I didn't do!"

"And I support u, 100%! But please, please, make sure u really don't have regrets after! That includes things u did do!"

"Is this a subtle way to tell me not to throw away something good just because I want to live my life?" I ask and he chuckles

"Maybe..."

"If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me that..." I say getting up

"Where are u going?"

"To drink my feelings out..."

"It's 6 in the afternoon, the bar isn't even open yet!"

"I'll have a coffee first!" I say taking my things and leave

~~~

When I walk in the coffee shop, Fred looks at me weird

"What are u doing back here?"

"I came to leave my whole paycheck here. Get me a latte..." I answer sitting on a chair

"A latte?"

"Yep! I'll have a latte until this place turns into a bar and then I'll have a bottle of tequila!"

"What the hell happened?"he asks turning to make me the latte

"I just broke the sweetest guy's heart and I feel like shit"

"The police officer's?"

"Yep!"

"Oh, so u were together!"

"Nope...we were just fucking"

"Oh...um...ok!" he says awkwardly bringing me my coffee and then he sits down

"Sorry to shock u, but yeah..."

"No no, it's ok, I just didn't expect that response. So, why did u break his heart?" 

"Because he wanted more and I didn't..."

"Why?"

"Because I'm trying not to make my mother's mistakes..."

"Is it worth it?"

"I don't know...but I guess I'll find out someday" I say taking a sip from my coffee

"So now what? U're left without a booty call?"

"Not exactly...I mean, I had a few one night stands these past few days, so I can have that, but also I have another guy"

"Look at u! Taking over L.A. one dick at a time!" he says, making me laugh