Coffee Mess

I'd Call

For the rest of the month, things were rather calm. Logan hasn't come to pick Erin up since the last time I saw him, and from the looks of her and her cold attitude towards me, I can understand he told her about us and they broke up. I'm trying so hard not to talk to her about it, but I know it's not my place and since what we had with Logan is over, there's no reason for me to get involved.

A week after the fight I had with Logan, Ian had to leave for a couple of weeks for his regular tour to his branches, so I was left alone to manage the shop in general. I'm not the type of girl who needs to be in constant contact with her boyfriend, but it feels like the minute he left, I vanished. I call him and it goes straight to voicemail and late at night I get a text of him apologizing, saying that he's too tired to talk and that he'll call the next day, but guess what; he never does. For the last 2 weeks, we have actually talked like 3 times and one of them was for phone sex.

One day, as I'm leaving for the night in order for Fred to get the bar ready, I call Ian for the 3rd time this day.

Hi, it's me again. Your girlfriend Sandra. Remember me? I'm so sick and tired of you never calling me back. I get that you're running around all day, but, come on, I don't need that much attention. I'd just like to know that I actually have a relationship and that my boyfriend thinks of me. Anyway, please call me, no matter the time, I'll be up until late anyway studying. And don't you dare use my studying as an excuse for not calling!

"I'd call" I hear Logan say from behind me the moment I hang up, making me turn around startled

"Why do people always sneak up on me? Jeez!" I ask, holding my chest

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I was just outside the station and I saw you kinda upset, so I came to make sure you're ok, but then you started talking and I was waiting for you to finish..." he explains awkwardly

"You heard me talking, huh?"

"Yeah, I heard your sad voicemail..." he says teasingly

"I'm not sad" I say trying to defend myself

"What are u then?" He asks with a raised eyebrow

"I don't know..." I say, thinking about it

"Upset? Angry? Lonely?"

"Yeah..."

"I'm sorry you feel like that. I'm guessing this isn't what you imagined having a relationship would feel like"

"Definitely not. And it's still the early stage of the relationship, we should be all over each other, not begging him to call me for 2 weeks. And is this how it's going to be every time he leaves for his business trips?"

"Well, I can't speak for him, but, as I said, I'd call. I wouldn't be able to spend the day without hearing your voice. I would call in the morning so I can start my day happy and then at night to sleep peacefully. I don't know how he can spend days without hearing your laughter" he says, making my heart start beating fast

"Logan-" I start, but he cuts me

"I'm sorry, it was probably inappropriate for me to say that..." he apologizes quickly, looking down, scratching the back of his head

"No, it wasn't. I needed to hear that. Thank you..."

"Don't mention it" he says and turns away to leave

"I'm sorry for you and Erin" I say, but I instantly regret it

"You learned about it, huh?" he asks, turning around again

"Well, I figured...she's not very smiley anymore and she's pretty cold to me, so I figured you told her about us"

"She asked me and I did tell her, yeah, but what we had wasn't the reason we broke up"

"Oh, then why is she mad at me?"

"Because I told her that I'm hurt you chose him and that I'm not over what happened with us. That I care enough to ask you what would have happened if I hadn't given up on us"

"You never asked me, though..."

"Yeah, I figured it's not worth it since you were happy with Ian. But now I see you're not happy, right?"

"What I have with Ian is complicated. We're both emotionally unavailable, we don't know what being in love feels like, we're not used to being in a relationship. We're trying to make it work, you know? There's something between us that we can't quite pinpoint, so we're kinda in the dark..."

"Look, it's none of my business what you do in your relationship, but from my experience, relationships shouldn't be hard. You shouldn't try to make them work. And when you're in love, you feel it. You know it! There's no doubt you're in love with the other person. Heat and sexual tension are overrated sometimes. You might see each other and your first thought is to jump on them and fuck their brains out, but that will fade with time. What matters at the end of the day is how you see the other person if you take the sex out of the equation" He says and all I can do is stare at him, unable to reply

"Anyway, you're still young, you have plenty of time to fall in love. Just make sure that you're happy and you're having fun, because now it's the time for that. Don't let anyone deprive you of your best years, of your time to do crazy shit and not think about them after. You were right to want to live your life free for a few more years, so make sure that you gave that up for something that was really worth it" He says and walks away, but once again, I make him come back

"Ask me" I exclaim

"What?" He asks stopping, but doesn't turn to look at me

"Ask me what would have happened if you hadn't given up" I say with a broken voice

"Why? Do you have the answer?"

"You'll never know if u don't ask me..." I answer and he sighs, giving in

"What if I hadn't given up?"