Sandra's P.O.V
"I'm not mad at u, Sandra...I just think that I'm still in love with u" he says and I just freeze, looking at him
"I-I-" I try to talk, but words don't fall into my head
"U don't have to say anything. It's probably because I never actually had u...but u don't have to say anything, really! I just wanted to say it, to get it out. I couldn't let u think I'm mad at u"
"I don't know what to do with that information, actually..."
"Nothing! Forget I said it, I shouldn't have said it. U're with Ian, it wasn't right. I'm gonna leave now" he says, but I stop him before turning around
"So, what? Am I supposed to just forget u said it?"
"Yes, please! I won't bother u anymore, I swear! I don't want to get between u and Ian...but if u change your mind about him, u know where to find me" he says and then leaves...
~~~
At around 1 at night, Ian calls me, but I'm not in the mood to fight after my talk with Logan, so I play it tired and end the call quickly. The problem is that he said that he'll be back tomorrow morning, so I must push back what Logan said and not let it manifest in my talk with Ian.
~~~
Indeed, the next day Ian is back at around noon and decides to come get me from the university to go for lunch
"Now that u've eaten, do u feel like talking?" He asks the minute I put my fork down
"Is that why u brought me to my favourite place? To make me less angry at u?"
"No, Sandra, I brought u to your favourite place because I wanted to do something nice for u after leaving u alone for so long. My acts don't have ulterior motives behinds them"
"Alright then. Let's talk!"
"Ok, so, I understand u're mad at me because I wasn't calling enough"
"No. I'm mad at u because u didn't feel the need to call enough. We're supposed to be at our honeymoon phase, but instead we're like we have been married for 30 years and we can't wait to spend time apart! Didn't u miss me?"
"Oh, I did! Very much! But I'm not used at showing it."
"Ian, look, I get that u're not used to being in a relationship, but u have to understand that being in a relationship means sharing your feelings and thoughts. When u miss the other person, u let them know! I don't expect much from u, but I'd like to know that when u're away, u miss me. My voice, my laughter and all that! I went to bed every night wondering whether u really want this to work or u're just in it for the sex. I can't be in a relationship and feel unwanted"
"I'm sorry u feel like that"
"No! I don't feel liked that! U make me feel like that! Take responsibility for it. Saying that u're sorry I feel like that, is manipulative! U're the reason I felt like that!" I say raising my voice a little
"Ok, u're right! I'm sorry! I'll try to do better"
"I don't want u to do it just for me, I want u to want to do it! Because u want me in your life!"
"Of course I want u in my life! I wouldn't be here if I didn't!"
"Then fucking show me! Tell me how u feel, tell me u feel lucky to have found me! Tell me u miss me! Pick up the fucking phone and call sometime for fuck's sake!" I say losing my cool and starting yelling
"Sandra, u're making a scene..." he says kinda annoyed
"Oh, I'm sorry, am I embarrassing u? Am I making u uncomfortable? If only I knew how that feels...oh wait, I do! Do u know how uncomfortable it is to have people ask u how's your boyfriend's doing and having to lie, because u don't want to tell them that u don't fucking know because he hasn't called in 5 days?"
"Ok, I get it, I'm sorry! But can u please tone it down?"
"Don't worry, I'm leaving!" I say and get up grabbing my bag, leaving.
"What the hell got into u? Weren't we just talking calmly?" He asks when he catches up on me
"We were, but then I remembered how awful I felt these past 2 weeks and I couldn't keep it quiet anymore! Here's a fun fact about women: when u want to talk about something that made them angry, u don't take them somewhere public, because u're obviously gonna make it worse and they're gonna flip!"
"How did I make it worse? I was apologizing!"
"U call that apologizing? U didn't own up to it! Taking me to my favourite place and saying u're sorry I feel that way isn't exactly an apology! It's dismissive at best, gaslighting at worst! U act like that macho man who doesn't get attached and who's so fed up with bimbos throwing themselves at him, wishing it would stop already, but when a smart, down-to-earth woman comes your way, u treat her like a bimbo! I thought we were supposed to try to make it work, but, honestly, I don't see u try!"
"Are u waiting for your period or something?" He asks with irony dripping from his lips, making me fuel up more and gasp, raising my eyebrows
"U're fucking unbelievable! I'm telling u how u make me feel and instead of trying to fix it, u're implying I'm being hormonal! No, I'm not waiting for my period, it just ended, but I guess u would have known if u had picked up the goddamn phone once in the past 5 days, but u know what? I don't even care anymore! I don't need u to make me feel important! If anything, there are other people who don't need to be reminded to care about me and who wouldn't stand not hearing my voice not even for half a day!" I say spitting my words, with my Texan accent showing, and at the end I turn around and leave without paying attention to him calling my name
YOU ARE READING
Coffee Mess
RomanceSandra Sheen is a 18-year-old girl who just finished high school and decided to take a gap year before going to college, in order to gather money. When she starts working in a coffee place near a police station, she finds herself surrounded by polic...
