Coffee Mess

Doubts

Logans's P.O.V

"Has anything happened between u and Sandra?" Erin asks me a few moments after we leave

"Yes, but it's been a long time since then, don't think about it..."

"Logan, u're both visibly upset after your talk" She says and I sigh

"We were...something"

"Something like a couple?"

"Definitely not a couple!"

"Then what?"

"We were having sex for a few months..."

"Fuck buddies then, ok. And when did u stop?"

"The January of the previous year"

"Why?"

"I wanted more, she didn't want to be in a relationship in general, so we broke it off"

"And why did u fight now?"

"I accused her of fucking with Ian to get a promotion..."

"Oh my God! Is it true?"

"Probably not, from the time I spent with her I don't believe she's like that..."

"Then why did u say it?"

"I'm hurt, ok?"

"U still have feelings for her, don't u?" She asks stopping on her tracks and stands in front of me, making me stop too

"I don't know. I just know I'm hurt because she chose him"

"Logan, people change their minds..."

"That's my problem; I'm afraid I gave up too quickly. What if I hadn't? Would she be with him or would she have chosen me instead?"

"U can't know that..."

"I can ask her"

"Do u care that much?'

"I think I do"

"Then, I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to break up..."

"Yeah, maybe...it's not right for u"

"Yeah, I deserve better than someone who's in love with someone else and wouldn't tell me unless it had come to that"

"It wasn't my intention to hurt u or anything, I just thought it was over...that I was over it. But I guess I'm not and it's not fair for u"

"It's not..." she says and leaves a kiss close to my lips

"I hope u get her..." she adds and walks away

~~~

Sandra's P.O.V

After my shift ended, Ian wanted to go out to eat, so I went home, changed into something more appropriate and we left for a restaurant he likes. During dinner, we don't talk much and he keeps asking me if I'm ok and I tell him that I'm just very tired, so he pays up as soon as we eat and we leave. He asks me to spend the night at his place, and since I have the morning shift tomorrow, because I don't have a class in the morning and his place is close to work, I accept.

When we get in the house, he initiates sex and I really don't wanna stop it, so I get in the mood too and continue what he started. At first I'm very passionate, as always, but at some point, as we're on the bed and have just started having sex, Logan's words come in mind and suddenly I lose all my mood

"What happened?" he asks, stopping moving, when I stop our kiss abruptly

"Nothing. Sorry, I thought of something and got distracted"I say and lean in again, but he pulls away, looking at me straight in the eyes

"What is it, Sandra? U've been distracted since work, I saw u spacing out lots of times..."

"Can we not discuss it now?"

"Well, I can't have sex with someone who thinks of something else"

"Fine, I'll stop thinking"

"Well, the mood is gone now..." he says kinda irritated, pulling out and getting up

"What the hell, Ian?"

"Me? What the hell to u! It's the first time u get distracted during sex, so it must be something serious" he says going to the bathroom

"I'm sorry..." I say, starting to feel bad, crawling under the sheets

"Don't apologize, just tell me what's bothering u. Maybe I can help..." he says coming back, laying next to me

"I-I just don't want u to think that I'm in a relationship with u for the promotion..." I say playing with my fingers

"I don't think that. Why do u think I do?"

"Just some thoughts..." I say, but even I don't believe me

"Sandra...who told u that I think that?"

"No one..."

"Sandra!" he says a little more strictly

"No one told me u think that!"

"Then what did they tell u?"

"He accused me of sleeping with u to get the promotion, ok? There, I said it!"

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter"

"Well, if it got to u that much, it's someone u value. Who was it?"

"Logan..."

"That little blond dick that's dating Erin?"

"U know about that too?"

"Yes, but not the point right now"

"Right, sorry. Yeah, him. He was really mean and I don't know why..."

"And why did u listen to him?"

"I don't know! We were close, we were something like friends and it hurts having someone who kinda knew u say things like that"

"Exactly, he kinda knew u! He doesn't really know u!"

"Do u?"

"I think I do..."

"So, u're not sure I'm not using u"

"Well, people who really use someone aren't worried they're using them...they just do"

"U have a point..." I say thinking about it and he pulls me into his arms

"Look, u're still young and I understand u still care about what people think of u, even subconsciously. But as long as u know u're not doing anything wrong, u don't have to worry how it looks...U know u're not using me, I know u're not using me, so we're ok. Logan is probably jealous because u picked me over him"

"I didn't pick u over him. The timing was just different"

"Anyway, that! He's jealous u ended up with me..."

"After a year?"

"Well, men are pety like that sometimes...especially if they're used to women throwing themselves at them, when someone just doesn't, it hits different"

"Well, u're not like that..."

"U didn't reject me..."

"That's also true" I say smiling, looking at him and we lean in kissing

"Are we ok now? Is your mind at ease?"

"Well, not completely, but I'll be over it soon..."

"Ok then!"

"I'm sorry I ruined the mood, though..."

"Don't worry. I'm just glad that the thought of Logan made u stop and not give more" he says teasingly

"I've told u before, whatever I was feeling for Logan, it's gone completely. I've put it away and I moved forward. U don't have to worry about it"

"I'm not worried, I trust u"

"Thank u" I say and then I lay my head on his chest, as he has his one hand on my arm and the other on my back, moving his fingertips up and down my skin.