Coffee Mess

Change

"Then I don't think there's anything to think about..."

"Yeah..."

"So, is that it? Are we over?"

"I think it's the best for the both of us..."

"Yeah, me too...I'm sorry your first real relationship didn't live up to your expectations"

"Well, I never had high expectations, so we're cool" I say and he chuckles sadly

"I was that bad that I couldn't even get your hopes up..."

"Look, we can blame it on you not being good at this and ον me not having any previous experience, but I don't think it's that. We just aren't as compatible as we thought. And let's not forget the age difference, ok? Sure, it's not like we couldn't understand each other, but when u have nothing in common with the other person, when u don't have similar experiences and when u both come from a different place emotionally, age is also a factor..."

"Besides u looking so much younger, I never felt like I was with someone so much younger than me. U're so smart and u have such an open mind, u know exactly what u want and how to ask for it. That needs years of practice!"

"I've had years of practice, Ian...I wasn't just born like that. U just don't know about it..."

"Jeez, we never even got the chance to know each other..."

"I think we didn't care enough to...I think the sex part made us not care for anything else. We were just having mindblowing sex, we had a few talks and we thought we were great for each other"

"Can u blame us? I had my guards up for so long that I forgot how to even show emotions and u never had to care for anyone else besides yourself. I can't even believe how we thought this would work..."

"True dat! But, hey, don't close up again, ok? I think u've come so far this last few months and it'd be a shame to go back again"

"U think?"

"Damn straight I do! U may not see it, but the Ian I met and the Ian I have in front of me now, aren't the same. I can feel  the change! The Ian I met would never care about making someone happy. At least not that much in order to try every trick in the book to do it. U would just say that's me, if u like it, stay, if u don't, leave and u'd be done!" I answer and he chuckles

"That sounds about right!"

"See? That's change! And I'm kinda glad I was the one that got to experience that change... Thank u for choosing me to start again and I'm so sorry it didn't work"

"U're kidding? I'm sorry it didn't work! It was your first relationship and I don't think it actually made u want another one..."

"Truth is I'm not in a rush to find the next one...but that's not because of us not working it out. I actually learned a lot for myself from this relationship!"

"Like what?" he asks, not convinced

"Like, I was right for not rushing to be in a relationship like girls my age, because it's better to be single than with the wrong person. I also learned that I can feel free and be in a relationship if the other person treats me right. I never felt trapped or limited, I never missed being with other guys. Even when u weren't calling me back, I didn't think that I was wrong to be in a relationship. I just wanted to bash your head on a wall!" I answer and he laughs

"Fair enough!"

"Yeah, I think so too!" I reply as we both laugh

"Anyway, I'm sorry it came down to it, I really wanted us to work"

"Yeah, me too. I really hope u'll find someone who's right for u!"

"I do too, but I don't think we're all as lucky as u are..."

"What do u mean?" I ask confused

"Oh, come on! We both know that u and Logan would be perfect for each other!"

"What? How did u come to that conclusion?"

"U were so happy during the period of time u were talking; That's what I was trying to achieve!"

"It was the hormones from the sex..."

"Nope, it wasn't. I'm telling u, u were truly happy!"

"Ok, let's say u're right, that's not an indicator that we were perfect for each other"

"U had things in common, u were more friends than just fuck buddies..."

"Ok, sure, we bonded. And, yeah, we have the same interests, he has a degree in history and I study art history, but again, not an indicator!"

"The connection u had? I've never been intimidated by anyone stealing my girls, but I was dreading him! That's why I went to talk to him...I knew that if he kept saying the right words, u'd run to him!"

"U don't honestly believe that..."

"I do! Every time I caught u two together, I could sense the connection u had! I never believed u were just fuck buddies!"

"We have a connection too, Ian"

"Do u really not realize how good u'd be together?"

"I'm just sick of everyone telling me that! My dad, my best friend, Mike, now u!"

"We can't all be wrong about it. When 2 people tell u u're drunk, maybe u shouldn't drive..."

"Yeah, but I can't have that burden on me"

"What burden?"

"That I actually did what my dad told me not to!"

"Which is...?"

"Throwing away something good! I don't want to believe I did that! I don't want him to be right about this!"

"Because u hate the I told u so that comes after?"

"Yes, that too, but also-" I start, but I stop

"Also, what?"

"I'm afraid that if that's true, then I'll start resembling my mother..."

"How so?"

"She divorced my dad after 10 years, because she realized she wanted to be free"

"But u didn't do that..."

"I tried not to! That's why I wanted to have all the experiences before getting in a serious relationship. I didn't want to rush things and end up regretting having a family one day; I wanted to live my life before having a family, so I don't end up like her: Not having lived my life enough, having children young, getting married young and then one day to dawn to me that I don't want my kids and my husband! A.k.a. throwing away something good in order to live my life! So, if I admit I let Logan go just because I wanted to be free for a little while longer, I'll also have to admit that I'm turning into her!"