Where I'd Gone ⌲ River Phoenix ((COMPLETED))

The End

December 20, 1997

It has been almost 6 years since River passed. Not a single day goes by that I don't think about him.

I guess everyone knew but me that it was a known fact that I couldn't save him from the very first minute I met him. I just wasn't that person for him - and I'll live with that forever. But, I always knew we had a type of love that should've lasted years.

On a side note, today I'm getting married. It was a small ceremony in an overgrown forest a few hours south of Madras. I walked up to the priest as he began the ceremony. Soon, it was my turn to vow my life.

"And now Christine, do you take Drew as your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?" He spoke as I looked over to Drew. His hair was long now - he had a Kurt Cobain type of feel to him with an unforgettable Andrew McCarthy smile. His sandy blonde locks twirled around his head. He was handsome - in a type of way only artists can truly appreciate. His dusky eyes tore into my soul and redefined my life. "I do."

"You may kiss the bride," the priest spoke as Drew immediately locked his lips with mine. He wrapped his arms around me, lifting me up into a hug. It was a beautiful moment - a truly beautiful ceremony. And yes, before you ask, he did propose in a garden of roses.

____

Once we changed and made our way back to the crowd for the after-party, Mickey had come up to me. He was 19 now, a lot taller than me, and now going to the University of Oregon - studying comic book illustration. Oh - and he is also going by Mick now, just like Mick Jagger. I was so proud of how far he'd come. Truly a sight to see.

"How are you doing buddy?" Drew asked Mickey as they embraced in a hug. Something I always loved about Drew is how easily he got along with Iris, John, and Mickey. He truly cared for everyone he ever met, the way he looked at the world was like he could paint them in his eyes. He was inquisitive like that.

"I'm doing great, man. Just finished up finals for my first semester at college. I actually wrote a project on a book I stole from Chris, and I thought it would be a perfect wedding gift," he chuckled as he handed me a gift-wrapped book. I eyed it down, genuinely confused on which "book" he decided to steal from me now.

I ripped it open only to read the title: The Interpretation of Dreams. Suddenly my heart hurt. It was a sign from River... it had to be. He had to be right there for me on my perfect day. Drew had noticed I went quiet, staring at the book for what seemed like hours in the midst of a loud party.

"I know he meant a lot to you, Chris. But, remember, he will always be right here," Drew smiled as he pointed to my heart. "Just like you told me." I nodded, trying my best to keep myself crying on my wedding day.

"Will you excuse me, just have to go freshen up," I spoke lightly as I started walking over to the bathroom.

I looked in the mirror to see my eyes all smudged - soon thinking about River and the day he took me back to Madras. River was everywhere, and it made me crazy. The thought of him seemed to constantly lacerate my brain. From all the memories, all the fights, from losing him over and over again, until he was finally lost. I looked back down to my hands, realizing I was still holding a tight grip on the book.

"I'll see you soon River, that's a promise," I muttered to myself, dropping my head on the sink.

"Not if I see you first," River's voice spoke. I immediately lifted my head to look in the mirror to see his bright, beaming face. Suddenly, I grew furious and found myself throwing the book at his reflection. It wasn't real. I should've gone to L.A. with him. Maybe I could've saved him. The mirror soon shattered. I looked through the cracks to see my own reflection disfigured and disoriented. I was truly nothing without him.