Where I'd Gone ⌲ River Phoenix ((COMPLETED))

In My Life

January 3, 1990

The night skies were somber and starless in New York. Days like these make me miss Madras, Oregon the most. There's no hurry though to come back, I'm just sitting here doing time.

River and I would occasionally talk, you know- catching up. I hate to think sometimes that we don't talk as much as we used to. But I guess sometimes, two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.

I think the hardest part of this situation is that neither of us knows what's going on. Neither of us knows what the other is thinking, and we are both trying to make decisions on something we don't really know.

____

Samantha went out with Brad for the night, and well I was alone. I got used to the sustained loneliness though. It's not like it's ever going to go away. I suddenly heard another knock at my door. It wasn't loud like River's, but it wasn't the key knock Samantha and I made up. It was a light and gentle knock that hit the door every 2 or 3 seconds.

I looked in the peephole hesitantly to see it was a boy. He had to have been 10 years old. I opened the door slowly and he beamed a smile at me. The smile looked so familiar and promising that a sense of déjà vu washed over me in a wave.

"Are you lost?" I asked sweetly, hoping I wouldn't scare him away. He shook his head deliberately like he had already known the question I was going to ask. "Is something wrong?" I asked again. He gave me the exact same no. "I can't help you sweetie if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"Chris," he squeaked out. "Right?"

"Yeah... How did you know?" I asked as I led him inside from the drizzling.

"River told me." He smiled again.

"How do you know River?" I interrogated.

"It's me, Chris. It's Tom!" My eyebrows raised abruptly as I examined him over. He's grown up so much.

"How are you doing Tom? Is everything okay?" I asked as I embraced him gently. He nodded inside of the hug and I felt his cheekbones tense up from his smile. "Did you come here alone?" He shook his head as River entered the doorway.

"Hey Chris," his eyes shined off an achromatic gloom. I set Tom down on the bed as I ran up to River and embraced him.

"River... I'm so sorry." I looked up at him and frowned, feeling the tears brewing.

"Sorry for what?" He smirked and I caressed his now slicked-back hair. He was a piece of artwork for sure, the way he went about himself - the kind of guy any girl could fall for... How could I continue to turn him down when we both know deep inside that's all I've ever wanted?

"I'm sorry for treating you like shit," I muttered meekly, so Tom wouldn't hear. I was ashamed, lonely, and depressed. It's hard to let people in when your mindset is just a huge brick wall. He wrapped his arm around me gently and brought me into one of those bear hugs that I always adored.

"I'm sorry for treating you like a prostitute," RIver said. I laughed as Tom's eyes widened.

"What's a prostitute?" He asked with his inquisitive eyes glaring. River and I found ourselves lost in a fit of laughter.

"It's an Ice Cream flavor," River remarked. I turned my stare away from Tom's glare and chuckled quietly to myself.

"Where's his mom?" I asked River as I watched Tom process the word 'prostitute' in his head.

"Funny story actually," he laughed to himself as he continued, "I need to cash in some extra bucks so I decided to start babysitting... And I guess Tom's mom needed a babysitter while she goes to work. So here we are." Initially, I pondered over the fact that he has been gaining money from each movie he's starred in, but then I realized he donates pretty much most of the money to charity.