Where I'd Gone ⌲ River Phoenix ((COMPLETED))

Landslide

June 25, 1993

Today was graduation day. After 4 years I had finally achieved my Bachelor's in music theory and composition. I was excited to finally branch off on my own and indulge in the art of true music. Maybe I could compose some songs, maybe write for some movies. I truly had the world at my fingertips.

It was a small ceremony, with only about 100 graduates. It was held in the main stadium of Juilliard. Iris, John, and Mickey had come to support me. I was, however, a little let down knowing River couldn't make it. He told me he had just signed on to a new movie called Dark Blood and had to be ready to move to Utah for 6 weeks. I was happy for him, but I did miss him like crazy.

With that said, I was at a real turning point in my life - so I decided where I want to live and stay. Madras. It was my home city, I grew up there, I found my love for piano there. I knew it was where I had to be. Iris, John, and Mickey helped me pack for my move.

By this time, Sam had moved out. We weren't on the best of terms after the whole River thing, she made it clear she didn't want to be around me - which I guess I was fine with. No one could really be mad at the other when it was ultimately River's decision.

When I was emptying out my backpack, the crumpled-up piece of paper Drew gave me back from December fell out. I guess I had forgotten it in there. I never actually got to read it, so I opened it up. It read,

"I'll be the one that proposes in the garden of roses and truly loves you after our curtain closes."

I sat there dumbfounded for a minute. This can't be real. I shoved it back into my backpack - and before I could think, River's tall self towered over me as I pushed myself off the floor. He had a somber demeanor to him - as if he was about to deliver bad news.

"River, I didn't know you were coming," I said sheepishly as I tried to hide the note. His emerald eyes wandered up to mine.

"I had to come here to tell you something," he muttered, his hair falling over his face and his scruff a little shaggy. He looked overworked, tired. "Look, I'm happy you graduated, you're so smart, you know, too smart for me. Look," he shook his head as he stuttered.

"Riv..." I mumbled, my heart beating out of my chest.

"I've been seeing Sam. I know me and you were supposed to be together from the very beginning... but it feels so wrong being anything more than friends with you. All the times you pulled away from my kiss..."

"I thought you loved me," I spoke lightly. He immediately came up to me, placing his shaky hands on my shoulders.

"I do. But, it got me thinking. I had read that note Drew wrote you. I read it the day I came to sing at your school... it fell out of your backpack when we were driving home," he traveled his eyes down to my backpack that I tried to hide it in. "He can give you the happy ending I don't think I could ever give you, Chris."

"But, I want a happy ending with you - no one else... How can this be over, it took years for us to finally get here?" I asked, tears suddenly coating my cheeks.

"I realized it was over between us as soon as I felt more in love with the memories instead of the person standing right in front of me."

"But River..." I spoke, knowing it was really no use to fight for him anymore. I knew it was too good to be true. I knew there would be no way for us to ever actually be more than friends, it was a painful stab in the heart.

He then walked over to my record player, noticing Fleetwood Mac was paused. He then placed the needle and Landslide starting playing. The beginning of the guitar chimed into the air and River turned to me.