Where I'd Gone ⌲ River Phoenix ((COMPLETED))

Butterfly Effect

June 21, 1992

It was another day alone in River's hotel room. He didn't come back and I was definitely not going to carry on.

Something was different about him. It was a subtle yet significant difference in his mannerisms and face. His cheeks still remained sunken, portraying an utterly pallid and ghastly gloom about him and the bony physique of his face.

I couldn't fix him.

Sometimes I can't fathom the perplexing thought that River has changed- and there's no going back.

Suddenly his answering machine went off and I waited patiently for him to say something.

R: Oh, hey uh... Christine, right? Whatever. Anyway, I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I've been having to cope with a shitload of stuff these past days. I feel as if I'm drowning in this crazy business. I can't keep up. I didn't know what to do- but now I'm feeling a lot better because of my co-actress... I like her... A lot actually. She obviously isn't my first choice... Because my first choice is taken by an ignorant guy who can't realize that she is everything he's ever wanted... I'm thinking of asking my co-actress out today, maybe for a sandwich or something, is that good? I wouldn't know.

C: Riv, you do know. You knew how to woo me the very first minute we met- at the Stand By Me cast meet up. I ran you over with my bike then we sang Hey Jude and I went to your house... You helped me cope when I lost my mom the next days. Sometimes I look back at what we used to be and I think; it was love. It really was.

R: I know it was. It's just we never made it happen.

C: Maybe it's a good thing that it didn't happen. Maybe everything happens for a reason.

R: I guess that's just the part about loving people: you have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up. I know you had to give up a lot of people.

My Mom and Dad... and Tom.

C: I don't want you to be added to the list, okay? I don't want to lose you over a bag of cocaine and heroin.

R: I'll make sure I won't be added to the list. We'll grow old together... There's not a single doubt in my mind.

C: Just promise me you won't leave. Not now, not ever. You won't leave until you're ready.

R: I promise- but on a side note, I want you to come to the studio. I want you to meet this girl. My love interest is in the movie if you will.

C: Sure thing.

I smiled through the phone as he gave me the address. He's the only source of my happiness these days. The person that gets me through the day; the only person who loves me for me, and still does anyway.

____

As I parked in the movie studio, I heard glass breaking and yelling. I had a sudden impulse to just run in there and see if River was okay, but I decided on just taking my time.

I opened the door only to be greeted by an immense amount of thespians, producers, directors, writers, and more. After about a few minutes of standing around and scoping the premises, I found River. He was being yelled at by the director, and his co-actress seemed to have a subtle but noticeable amount of annoyance on her face. River seemed to piss directors off very easily, ignoring the fact that he's actually a really well-rounded and down-to-earth guy.

"River! Fucking read the script as it is, and stop picking on Samantha!" I felt a sudden sharp feeling of sympathy for River. He didn't deserve to be yelled at. My gaze was intense as I tried to get him to see me. His face was creased with concern, and yes, bearing its own battle scars.