Where I'd Gone ⌲ River Phoenix ((COMPLETED))

Halloween Part 2

August 12, 1989

God! I stuffed you into my drawer and went to see River in Florida for a week in November then came back, and you weren't there! Wow. Sorry about that. It's not like anything really notable has happened though; didn't think you'd really want to read about my rather boring ascend to adulthood and shit.

I found you in Mickey's room. He was reading you for a while, and I was completely oblivious. I can't believe he has the audacity to do that... Just reading my thoughts and opinions and exceedingly intense experiences that should never leave this journal. He is though, almost 13.

You might be thinking, it's not as bad as I'm painting it to be. But it is. He read the part when I was talking with aunt Suzanne. He knows that he never met his dad, and he's been lied to his whole life. He hasn't been taking it well. His pillows were soaked with tears every night for the past week. Initially, I wanted to be there for him and comfort him, but he deserved to feel some regret. He can't just take something I've had for so long and act like it was acceptable to read over it.

There's one thing though that Mickey should be happy about. He's not an orphan like me. At least we think he isn't. I have to do some research on Johnny Eric Newman... Maybe it will lighten his spirits.

But some good news is, well Martha and River officially broke up. River called me one night sobbing uncontrollably and said they just couldn't keep taking unnecessary breaks in their ill-fated relationship. I reassured him thoroughly that everything would be okay. He couldn't worry about her anymore. I told him, "You know, I think life puts people in front of us, so we can be prepared for what comes next."

Anyways... I'm going into college. Juilliard accepted me!  Can you believe that? I was pretty hesitant with even going to the audition... But it all paid off in the end. Although, now that I think about it, there was this rather strange guy sitting in the back of the theater.

He clapped really hard after I had finished, but I ignored it and listened to the judges. They all gave me a vague smirk, but I couldn't keep my eyes off the mysterious guy in the back.

____

I remember as I flip through to the pages to the front of this journal that I just started freshman year in high school, now I'm a freshman in college. The only downside is that I won't be able to see River as much. The only way I'll be able to see him is if he comes up and visits me at my dorm. River and I inescapably stopped talking to each other. It's been about 6 months since the last time we talked including over the phone.

Time means nothing. I just sit here, watching patiently as the freezing rain bounced off of me and the mud-splattered over my boots. River constantly occupied my thoughts. Where I'd Gone was always bouncing around in my mind, the only song I'd ever listen to. I haven't even touched any of my records; all soon being piled on by grains of dust.

Iris and John had complications as well. John started drinking again and Iris started up with the lectures again about how he never does any work around here.

I knew my parents never had any problems like this. Sure, my mom would get furious over the constant thought of losing him over a superfluity injection of heroin, but they could never stay mad at each other for more than 24 hours. They loved each other too much. It made me think about River, how we were just attached at the hip everywhere we went. Iris knew how much I had missed him recently, and she probably even knew that we were just destined to not be together. She told me this quote that seemed to leave a mark on my brain: