Where I'd Gone ⌲ River Phoenix ((COMPLETED))

Jane Asher

November 14, 1986

It hit me hard. Not the physical type- mentally. My mom was gone. I'd never visited her grave... So I called River to schedule when we could lay some flowers on the dirt she was embedded in - I didn't want to go alone.

"Hello!"

C: Hey River.

R: Hey Chris, what's up?

C: The sky.

R: Real funny.

C: C-Can we go to the cemetery?

R: Why would you wanna do that?

C: My mother. I wanted to visit her tombstone.

R: I don't know. I don't really have a morbid fascination.

C: Ha! I usually love horror movies... but it's odd; I never even finished watching the Thriller music video.

R: The ending's the best part!

C: Not worth it.

R: I guess yeah if you're afraid.

C: I'm... I'm not afraid! I'm the one who suggested to go to a cemetery.

R: True. I guess I'll come. Just gotta come up with an excuse for my mom. There's no way in hell she would let me go to a cemetery- for fun.

C: Tell her that we're just going out for a walk.

R: Easy enough I guess. I'll meet you at the cemetery in an hour.

C: Okay. Bye.

R: Bye.

___

It was drizzling outside, but I didn't care. I just wanted to see my mom. So I put on some sneakers and the dress she gave me about a year ago. It was a stretchy one so it fit well. I brought some purple lilies because they were my mom's favorite.

The sun was hidden behind ominous grey clouds, not letting any happiness and shine to even have a peek through. Oregon usually always rains, so I wasn't too surprised. The azaleas were being hit constantly with water droplets and the willows seemed to make a dome under the branches. It was cool.

As I approached the cemetery, there surprisingly weren't many people there. I guess because they tend to leave when the mud starts to get soggy. I look at the world and notice its turning. The clouds gliding oh so quietly across the sky - the sun still not being able to shine.

As it started to pour, I laid the lilies softly on the now soaking mud. But then I realized- my dad's grave was right next to hers. I found myself tearing up.

I ripped a lily out of the bouquet and placed it on my dad's dirt. They're together now, and that's all my mother ever wanted. I sat down on the bench in front of them. There was a note on my mother's- probably from a friend or family. But I had an urge; I couldn't resist not reading it. So I did. It was decorated with pink hearts and swirly gold lines. It wasn't from a friend... It was from my mom. A letter written by my mom for me...

Dear Christine, I didn't know when my time is going to come, but I wanted to make sure I wrote this letter before it did. By the time you're reading this, I am gone. But don't worry, honey. I'm in no pain. I'm with Dad. And that's all I ever wanted.

There are a few things about Dad that I never told you about. He died before you were born. Due to a drug overdose; he had just lost his father (your grandpa Jimmy) in the Vietnam War. I was pregnant with you in August of 1970. He passed away just 6 days before your birthday. Heroin. It's the devil Christine. Never get hooked on that. I just wanted you to know that he loved you, he loved you more than his Heroin. But Jimmy's death was inevitable, and your Dad knew that. He sang me Maybe I'm Amazed because it had just come out and he knew how much I still loved Paul McCartney. God, I swooned whenever your Dad played his guitar and sang. What a doll he was. He looked so much like Robert Plant... Oh how much he sang like him too... so I guess you could say he was alright (insert my laugh here).