Overflow

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"On a good note... You did get some flowers for Valentine's day." One of the nurses said, trying to lighten the mood. I guessed it was from Officer Burton, because he was outside anyway and must've heard the whole thing from someone.

I looked over to the flowers and noticed they were red roses. Red roses usually symbolize love... And I think that's a little too seductive from Officer Burton. I got up and read the card, which said,

"I know you probably don't have a smile on your face right now,
But then again even white roses have black shadows.
Heal,
It's most important."
~ River Jude Phoenix (peace + love)

I sat there for a few minutes trying to understand what he meant by that. Every word he spoke or wrote was straight poetry, and no matter how hard I try, I could never fully comprehend what it means. Speaking of River anyway, he hasn't said one word to me since he dropped me off at the hospital. I thought he'd moved on to another girl. A prettier... A more ecological, intellectual girl... a girl with less shit going on in her life.

"Can you tell me what happened to my mom?" I asked the mousy nurse, fearing the worst. Oh, what the hell, more depression in my life wouldn't hurt.

"Look, Darling," the nurse pulled her mask down and let her brown hair flow out. She then handed me a box of tissues and I already knew this wasn't good news. "Your mother... uh..." She seemed very uncomfortable, I could tell she didn't want to see my feelings hurt.

"She didn't make it through the surgery... Her cancer and adding the impact of the car crash did not mix together well. She was terminally ill... So her death was practically inevitable." She looked at me with a deep sadness in her eyes.

I sat there dumbfounded, so shocked that I could barely breathe. Oddly enough, I didn't start crying. I was just kind of what you say, daydreaming. But not the happy kind. Just staring into space contemplating over life kind. I didn't say a word for 3 minutes, and the nurse silently left the room, leaving me to cope in my own way.

My head was kind of like a glass of water. It was under a sink, overflowing, but not being dramatic. Just kind you know, overflowing with thoughts. But just not... Letting out anger, just going along with the flow. The overflow. I was drowning in an ocean of thoughts. My mind was running a marathon that I had no idea when it would end.

I looked up to the sky and imagined my dad playing his guitar, with his long hair all in his face. And my mom would be cradling baby Mickey, and I would be banging on the keyboard, trying to mimic the notes he played. But, it just made me even more despondent knowing I couldn't even imagine it, I couldn't even remember being around him... But my mom talked about him as if he was always around in my life.

I laid back on my hospital bed and blinded myself by staring into the ceiling lights. There was nothing happy in my world. I just felt defeated... Hopeless.

I pretty much slept through the rest of the day, not caring about eating at all. Not even caring if Mickey was at home alone. How was I going to break it to him? How in the right mind am I supposed to tell him he's an orphan? I couldn't tell him... But I couldn't lie either.

I was still kind of mad at my mom, for keeping secrets from me. Secrets that would hurt me more than she initially intended - enough pain to truly last a lifetime.

I changed out of my gown, got into my regular clothes, and went downstairs. The once stuck-up clerk beamed a smile at me, and I would've smiled back, but my black shadow took over me. I guess that's what River meant in his poem. It means that even the sweetest people with the most polished lives have their demons.

Suddenly a song bounced around in my head, but it wasn't just any random song, it was one of the songs River and Rain sang to me. Although it was brief, and not even a full song yet, the lyrics stuck in my head.

Where I'd gone the other day, come close and I'll tell you bout it.

Officer Burton's car was outside in the hospital parking lot, but there was a sticky note on his window which said, 'gone out for donuts, be back soon.' I let out a giggle as I watched him walk up to the car with a bag of donuts.

"All is well?" He asked. I shook my head and glanced away so he wouldn't see my tears. "I'm... So sorry...Donut?" I shook my head.

I was tired of everyone feeling sorry for me. "It's okay," I smelled the roses I had brought down from my room that River sent to me. "I just need to say thanks to River for these roses."

"Ooh someone's got a secret admirer?" He teased as we climbed into the car.

"I wish, I don't even think he likes me anymore... He hasn't said one word to me in 4 days." I chuckled.

"He likes you. No doubt about it." He smiled through the mirror. I kind of smiled to myself too. 

"So is Mickey doing alright?" I asked.

"Well... Good news. We filed an adoption form and they approved, so Mickey's all good sleeping in his new bed."

I felt happy once he said that. It was like I was getting a second chance at life. "Thank you so much... It means so much to me." I admitted.

He dropped me off at River's earthy house, and I rang the doorbell. Rain opened it and greeted me with a smile. "How you doin' Chris? Oh, and are you okay? Your eyes are really red."

"I've been better, but is River there? I'd like to thank him for the roses." I tucked some hair behind my ear. 

"Sure thing, hey Rio!" She yelled into the house. He came running downstairs. His blonde hair was ruffed up and I could tell he just woke up.

"Hey River, thank you so much for the roses," I said. He came closer to me and I didn't know what he was going to do. But he hugged me. Like one of those bear hugs. I guess he saw in my eyes that I had been crying. He dug his soft hair into my neck.

I held him close for a long time, and it felt like I could cry even more. I've never met anyone like him. He was intimate, yet kind.

It felt like he was an angel brought down, just for me, because he came into my life right when everything started to fall apart.

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