Where I'd Gone ⌲ River Phoenix ((COMPLETED))

Cristofori's Dream

March 28, 1986

So looks like River couldn't make it back by March 27. I was really looking forward to watching The Thing with him though. I maybe even could've cracked his shell and find out what really happened between him and Martha.

Conversation started to get a lot more comfortable in the Burton household; we mainly just got used to each other's company. Mickey would tell us his adventures in 4th grade, while Mr. Burton finally asked me to call him John. Time flies.

My birthday was coming up, April 22 to be exact. I was excited to turn 15. Well not really. I don't want to grow up at all. Especially at this time of your life when puberty strikes you harder than a truck, all you wanna do is hide under your sheets in your darkroom. This is unlikely for me because my room is full of hue and bright fairy lights.

I put on some James Taylor on my record player and danced around the room. I just felt like bursting out into a firework of joy. I wasn't particularly happy though, I was just myself. The Burton's scheduled a family trip to the beach, so I guess that's why I was so quirky today.

"Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone," James sang as I twirled around. "Suzanne the plans they put an end to you."

As I jumped around into my happy place, John knocked on my door. "First family road trip!" He said through the door. "Oh I've seen fire and I've seen rain!' He sang along to the record. "I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end!"

I turned off the record player and went outside all ready to go. Iris was on the phone and told me to come over. "It's for you." I could tell from her facial expressions that it wasn't from River.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Chris." Max. He was getting clingy, and it was scaring me. "Wanna go out?" He asked.

"Sorry, Max but, I'm going out with the Burton's."

Then he just hung up. Just like that. We've been dating for over a month and this is how he treats me? Thoughts rushed through my head, and I knew I had to break it off. But I'll do it after I come back.

We hopped into the car and drove down to the sparkling beach. Sun already started to set and it was 4:56 pm.

We spent the whole day just playing in the ocean and everyone told funny stories. I don't think I've had this much fun in a long time. One of my favorite stories John said was this one,

"So one of my officer friends was a devout vegetarian and he stepped on a ladybug. He started to cry really hard and he cradled the ladybug while reciting Hamlet. But little did he know that it was just a red M&M. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry." We all really laughed hard on that one.

April 12, 1986

I officially broke up with Max. I was happy now though like all the stress was released off my shoulders.

When the telephone started to ring I picked up on the first ring.

"Hello?"

R: Hey Chris.

I haven't heard from River for a while now, and I was starting to live life differently without him. I guess because him and Martha broke up from the last time he called, he has been calling me to complain 24/7.

C: Hey Rio.

R: Chris, I've been wanting to tell you something.

C: What?

R: Martha and I...

C: Broke up, yeah I picked up the hints.

R: No. We're back together. It was complicated and all...

C: Look River I just wanted to get this out, but, I'm tired of hearing your complaints. I just want to have a one on one conversation with you! ... I like you okay? ... I just couldn't find the opportunity to tell you.

Then I hung up. I needed to blow up. I was just completely out of it after the breakup with Max. He was my first boyfriend, those are the most difficult relationships to get out of. Adding the stress and annoyance from River's constant soap operas was not helping at all.

At my eye level, there were stacks of piano books that I'd placed on the shelf since I was playing so much the last month. I started ripping up some of the stray piano sheets with suppressed anger and fury.

Iris knocked at my door, probably hearing all the paper shreds. "Are you okay?"

"No!" I yelled out to her. I'd never been mean to her, so I instantly regretted it.

I had a poster for each individual Beatle in my room, and Ringo was the closest to me. Ringo now suddenly reminded me of how much I missed River. That walk on the beach was really the last time I had fun in a while.

I liked River, I really did. But he made things complicated, and I wasn't in the mood to play his games. And Martha was way better for him than I could ever be. My piano really was my only friend that made me genuinely happy.

I fell onto my knees when I realized I ruined the piano pieces that I had been learning to play for a month now. One of the sheet music pages that actually remained untouched on top of my shelf was a piece called "Cristofori's Dream". It reminded me much of my name, and how all I ever do is daydream about a life where I can be happy and with someone I love. 

I skimmed over the notes on the sheet with tear-stained cheeks and a hopeful smile. The grand piano beamed at me, and I placed the sheets on the stand. I had been practicing this piece for a few weeks, and hopefully, I have it perfected by now.

The treble started off first and I pounded the chords back and forth. The bass didn't come in till a little while.

A, D, E.

A, D, E.

C, E, C.

C, E, C.

Bb, E, C.

Bb, E, C.

REPEAT.

The bass came in and mixed the pieces together.

A, D, E
D, E, F.

A, D, E.

C, E, C
E, F, G

C, E, G

Bb, E, C
F.

Bb, E, C.

I kept playing them and I felt myself get lost in the melody, it was so mesmerizing yet beautiful that I couldn't stop playing. Then the melody sped up, and so did the pace of my fingers and the metronome of my foot pedaling. The chord progressions reminded me of me and River and our friendship - or love story if you will. The ups and downs, the feelings left unsaid, the sadness at the end of the song - is that supposed to depict me and River? Are we destined to have a tragic ending?

I closed my eyes, trying to continue playing while hoping to stop my mind from wandering, and it still sounded great. I was proud of myself, I'd never thought that I had such skill at an instrument.

I heard footsteps behind me, but I didn't move, nor did I care who it was. Then I heard a plump onto the chair next to me and I knew it was John.

About 2 minutes into the piece, he sat next to me on the bench, but I didn't stop playing. He watched my hands push against the keys with such fragility that he joined in on the bass side. I occupied the treble side because the song was solely in the treble.

He mimicked my hand movements on the bass side, at first I was quite hesitant, but he made it have more depth, so I went a long. By this time we were both looking at the sheet music, both playing the same notes but different tones. I could tell he was a gifted pianist, by how he hammered the keys with such passion and power. I'm pretty sure he knew this piece too, but I didn't want to ruin the moment by asking.

The piece went on for about another 4 minutes, it was a pretty long piece, but I liked it, and neither one of us talked at all. As I scaled the last chord I felt myself smile, and when I looked up to John, he was smiling too.

I knew I was going to love playing the piano, but if I wanted to get better, I had to keep practicing.