Marvel Imagines/Smuts

Shapes~Bucky

*involves panic attacks*

"Boom got the treats!" Peter says as he plops down on the couch next to the rest of the team.
"Umm what's he doing here? Isn't it past your bed time little spider?" Sam asks.
"Will you leave the kid alone. If he's old enough to save the world he's old enough to be up past 11." Y/N replies swatting Sam on the arm. They smile at Peter.
Peter gives Y/N a wide smile and nods thanking them.

"Hey Steve where's Bucky? I haven't seen him all night?" Natasha speaks up.
"Uh I don't know. I mean I texted him saying we're watching movies tonight but he hasn't responded."
"He's probably still figuring out how to open messages! That old hag." Y/N says chuckling to themselves as they drink their last bit of beverage. They get up to go get a drink.
"Well that's sweet! Hey you're up now, maybe you can go check to see if he wants to watch movies? Ya know since you two are such great friends!" Steve says sarcastically.
"Absolutely not. And we are NOT friends. It's peaceful without him here anyway." Y/N replies.
"Oh come on Y/N! Its better when we're all together hanging out!" Wanda pleads.
"Can't you two just get along this once, just for tonight?!"
"Okay okay fine! I'll go get grandpa."
Y/N answers giving in.
As they stand outside his door. They bring their hand up and knock.
1st knock- no answer
Y/N rolls their eyes annoyed.
2nd knock a bit harder than the first- still no answer.
"Barnes! Dude open up!" Y/N says pounding one more time. No answer.
Fed up Y/N opens the door and walks in. It's dark in there, the only light in the room coming from the lamp on his desk.
"James. Steve wants to know if-" Y/N's sentence cut short.
They hear faint sobs and whispers coming from the opposite side of the room. Y/N walks in more to see. By the big window, In the almost pitch black darkness, she can see the super solider with his knees up to his chest. He seemed to be.... crying?
"I am not the winter soldier. I am James Bucky Barnes." The man whispers out between choked cries.
"Oh God!" Y/N exclaims. They shut the door and run up to the sad man on the floor.
"James? Are you okay?" asks Y/N with a bit of worry in their tone.
"They're back again." Bucky says in panicked voice.
"What is? What's back?" Y/N asks again.
"I am no longer the winter soldier. I am James Bucky Barnes." He says more panicked now. His voice cracking a little.
Y/N then realizes. He's having a panic attack. He seemed to be doing better recently, he hasn't had one for a while. Of course Y/N didn't keep track. But it would come up in a conversation with Steve from time to time.
"Here let me help you."Y/N says teaching out trying to move him.
Bucky pushes her hands away and moves back.
"Okay i'm sorry, i'm sorry. I have something that might help. Just trust me.... please.....Bucky"
Y/N goes to move him once more, but this time he doesn't push her away but allows himself to be moved.
They move him forward and sit behind him. Each one of their legs on the sides of his.
" I am not longer the winter soldier. I am James Bucky Barnes." He cries once more silently to himself.
"Shh Shh it's going to be okay. I'm here. You're okay. Just focus on my hand." Y/N hushes James.
They put their hand on his back and begin tracing shapes.
"Now close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Guess what shape I'm drawing. Only focus on the shape." Y/N says calmly.
Y/N traces the first shape.
"Triangle?" The sad soldier speaks out.
"Very good. Next one"
"Square?" He asks, his voice cracking a bit.
"Correct. Next."
" I can't! It's going to get worse!" He whimpers referring to his attack.
"No it's not. Just breathe, here do it with me." Y/N says as she breaths in and out slowly. Bucky copying their movements.
"I'm right here Bucky. You're safe.. I won't let anything hurt you."

Y/N starts to draw shapes again.
"Now focus on the shapes again"
"Diamond."
"Perfect, last two okay?"
Bucky nods his head, signaling Y/N to continue.
"Rectangle."
"Right again! You're better at this than I thought. Y/N says jokingly, earning a slight chuckle from James.
"Alright last one. Now this one is a bit tough so really focus."
"Alright." Bucky replies.
" Circle?"
"Nope. Try again." Y/N answer. They draw the shape again but slower.
"A bumpy circle." He responds.
"A bumpy circle? Did that seriously come out of your mouth?"
"Well you're making up these shit shapes so I made up one too!" He speaks.
"It is not made up!" Y/N states.
"It's an Octagon. Not made up. Very real shape."
They hear him exhale a laugh.
" We'll it felt like a bumpy circle."
Y/N laughs behind him.
"You're a bumpy circle." she says light hitting his back.

".....Turn around?" Y/N asks lightly not wanting to force him.
As he turns around slowly he keeps his head toward the floor, embarrassed of his tears still in his eyes. Once he finishes turning he puts his hands in his lap. Y/N slowly reaches out to his face. Slightly cupping his cheeks, they guide his head upward. Wiping his tears off of his face, they give Bucky a warm smile, to which he returns.
"Everything's okay. I'm here. Let's get you into bed to relax." As Y/N stands up, they grab the soldiers hands and helps him up to his feet. They help him get into bed and pull the covers up a bit.
"Now just relax. Watch some tv or read whatever old book you like." Y/N says smiling down at him. He laughs at her remark. For a moment the two share the silence between them, looking into each other's eyes. Y/N slowly moves forward to place a soft kiss on his warm cheek. Standing back upright they smile.
"I'll be in the living room watching movies with the team. If you want to join later you're more than welcome but if not thats okay. If you need anything, text me.. if you know how to do that."Y/N adds as they walk to the door.
Bucky chuckles. "I'll be fine Y/N."
"I'm serious barnes!"
"Okay okay fine" He surrenders.
As Y/N makes their way back to the group, they say that Bucky doesn't want to join. That he's having a self care night and should not be disturbed.

-After the movie-
Y/N looks down at their phone to see no messages from Bucky.
He's fine Y/N! Stop worrying so much! Their thoughts told them. But no matter how many times it was said, Y/N still wanted to check.
On the way to their room they decided to check in with Bucky. Opening his door slowly and peeking in.. they saw a peaceful sound asleep super solider. Y/N smiles to themselves and closed the door.

-The Next Morning-
Y/N walks into the training room. As they make their way through the door their attention is caught by someone. Bucky. Standing taking to Sam. He notices them and smiles, Y/N returning one back. As they turn around and pick out the playlist they want to listen to, Y/N feels a sudden tap on the shoulder. Turing around to see the tall, muscular frame of Bucky Barnes.
"Can I help you Barnes?" Y/N asks, slightly smiling.
"Hey uh I just wanted to say thank you for ya know.. last night. you helped me a lot more than you know. I.. couldn't have gotten through it without you." He says as he rubs the back of his neck.
"How did you know it would help me?" He asks
"Well I didn't actually. When i was younger I used to have bad panic attacks. My mom would help by drawing shapes on my back and making me guess. It helped me so i thought why not try it out."
"You were right about trying it. Thank you again."
"You're welcome Bucky." Y/N responds smiling up at him.
He turns around and starts to walk away. As he get to the door he stops and faces them again.
"Could we maybe not tell anyone about it... it's just i've been doing good for awhile and I don't want anyone getting worried. Especially Sam, he's too dramatic." He asks.
Y/N giggles, the motion to their lips and locks them.
"It's safe with me. It'll be our little secret."
"I'd like that doll."

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The End!! Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed! If you have any requests go ahead and pop them in the comments. <3
I'll try to write as often as possible.
xoxo